Workplace Calisthenics: Temination devastating to self-esteem

Cal LeMon, of Executive Enrichment Inc., solves organizational problems with customized training and consulting.

"We will no longer need your services."

You're devastated.

Any way you slice the words, you know the worst slicing is yet to come. Not only have you lost your ability to produce income, but the memories of victimization will resurrect themselves, unabated, for years.

This is no laughing matter.

Termination in the American workplace has been marginalized by "the Donald" (I have the you-are-toast hand sign down pat!) and specialized jargon that includes, "Pick up your pink slip," "Where do you want your final check to be sent?" and "We are giving you the opportunity to pursue new challenges."

Like screeching memories of a bad car wreck, the video of that termination moment just keeps looping over and over in your mind. You want to turn it off, but you cannot find the power switch in your brain.

If you have been fired, you know what I am talking about.

Why is it so difficult to just let go and just move on?

There are three reasons.

First, our culture has deified employment into the fountainhead of self-esteem. We value ourselves only when we have the right title, work space and parking permit sticker. Self-esteem is slathered all over our paycheck.

Our business cards now bear our pictures, and our Web sites are a video-streaming front porch where we get acquainted with each other and our services.

Our introductions of each other are normally framed with a name and then a place of employment.

To lose a job is tantamount to losing one's identity.

Second, when you are fired, there normally is no platform for you to broadcast your side of the story. You do not have the privilege of walking up to someone who knows you have been terminated and say, "Yeah, I was fired, but you need to know I was framed."

There is a scarlet letter you wear on your chest, and it is not an "A." It is an "L" for loser. There are winners and losers in life, and the losers get fired. End of story.

Third, termination may mean you have been working all these years in a dependent relationship.

With your final paycheck in hand you are admitting, "My future has been tied to an organization." A dependent relationship is OK as long as the giver and the taker decide to live together. When the giver no longer has what the taker wants, the giver is left with huge amounts of anger and resentment that he/she ever consented to this relationship.

No, getting terminated is not the quick and easy process of grabbing your suitcase and walking away on a rain-swept New York City street in the final episode of "The Apprentice."

So, how should you cope with being canned? Try this.

Step One: Grab yourself by the neck and find a mirror. Look at yourself and ask, "Did I deserve this?" Now, take some time with this because it is important to everything that follows.

If you dug your own grave, and you know it, climb in without any whining. You will not be able to move on unless you can be honest about your responsibility.

If the honest answer to "Did I deserve this?" is "No," get an industrial-size box of Kleenex, call your new best friend your lawyer and then start looking for a new job.

Step Two: Invite someone who cares about you to grab you by the shoulders and scream in your face, "Your job is not your life." You may want to ask them to repeat it about 25 times.

I know I have laced this with a little tongue-in-cheek, but you do need to do some reality testing right now. If you take the "I am the victim of southwest Missouri" route, be prepared to crash into some serious depression.

Step Three: Clear your entire kitchen table and put Post-It-Notes all over the surface with a simple one- or two-word response to the question, "If I could make a living doing what I enjoy, what would that job be?"

This is a moment you may never have again.

"We will no longer need your services."

Those words can be the worst or best moment of your life.