Workplace Calisthenics: Public rudeness can be dealt with effectively

Cal LeMon, of Executive Enrichment Inc., solves organizational problems with customized training and consulting.

Get out your scissors! This is the kind of column you will want to cut out and, anonymously, drop on someone's desk.

Have you ever spent the national debt for a special, date-night meal only to have the evening ruined by a very loud person at the next table?

Have you ever been unusually productive in your modular office space only to lose all concentration when a co-worker decided to regale everyone in the office with pick-up lines used this weekend at Trolley's?

Have you planned to finish the last nine chapters of a heart-thumping, page-turner novel on a four-hour flight from Dallas to Seattle only to have a fellow passenger, three rows behind you, decide this trip was his/her opportunity to audition for "America's Worst Comedian"?

And, have you ever been in a training program when someone's cell phone rang (with the electronic strains of "I Did It My Way") and the person, with great insensitivity to other participants and the presenter, went to the back of the room and proceeded to talk so loudly that your brain seized up?

Welcome to the decade of the decibel.

From the driver next to you at a light who is playing his/her CD player so loud that your heart just went into arrhythmia to elevator music in a restaurant that creates dining "shock and awe," America has raised the volume on just about everything.

I have some suggestions initially, for the offenders cruising through these lines.

Your need to dominate an environment with sheer volume is seen by the rest of us as a lack of respect. We perceive you as having a lack of civility. Civility is a decision to play by the rules.

I honestly believe there are some of you who do not have the foggiest idea that you are intruding with your decibels.

But, that is the problem. You have not slowed down enough to ask the question, "Is the volume of my voice offending people right now?" We assume you care more about your agenda than playing by the rules the rest of us respect.

First, I am suggesting that if you are a "loud person," you designate people you trust to give you a "high sign" that it is time to lower the volume.

Second, I also recommend you just stop, when in a social or work setting, and ask, "Am I grandstanding for a larger audience right now?" If the answer is yes, zip it!

Now, for those of us who are the victims of the "used-car-TV-ad-announcer voice," here are some assertive responses that will guarantee you show respect while honestly representing yourself.

If you are in a restaurant and the unreasonably loud table is nearby or next to you, get up and ask to speak, alone, with what appears to be the leader of the table. When the two of you walk away, you can assertively ask, "I need your help this evening. I am attempting to carry on a conversation with people at my table, but I am having trouble hearing because of the good time you folks are having at your table. Could you help me with this situation?"

Notice that I am not doing any name-calling or threatening. All I am asking is for the other person's help. Do this alone, because if you try to have this conversation in front of the entire group, get ready for "group think" to cast you as the "enemy-at-the-gate."

Essentially give the same response on an airplane, in the office or any other public place. Getting the other person alone may not be an option, so perfect the "I need your help" approach to lessen the resistance when working with several people at the same time.

The cell phone is, by far, the easiest situation in which to assert yourself. I use this all the time.

When the phone rings and the abnormally loud conversation ensues, wait for the call to conclude (trying to interrupt during the call will only enrage the person).

To hasten the end of the conversation, just stand up and stand near the person who is talking loudly on the phone without making eye contact. Believe me, the call will end quickly.

At the conclusion of the call, say, "I would appreciate it if, when you get cell phone calls in the work environment, that you put your phone on vibrate and then respond to the call outside of our work area. I find it difficult to concentrate when I am listening to a loud telephone conversation. How do you respond to my request?"

Get out the scissors!