Workplace Calisthenics: Comment should target the work, not the person

If you were me, how would you respond to this statement, "Cal, I found your last column confusing. I'm not sure what was the main point."

What are you feeling right now? That's right, "feeling." Any defensiveness? Just a tad frustrated or even angry?

Do you want to respond with, "Well, if you even had the IQ of Spam you could have understood the greatness in my words!"?

What about it? Is there such a thing as "constructive criticism," and how do you respond when someone finds something wrong with your work on the job?

Look at the expression, constructive criticism.

Is criticism ever constructive? In my workshops, I will often have someone who simply cannot perceive anything positive or enabling about criticism; to be critical is to be negative.

Let's back up. Do you ever make mistakes? You know, screw up, drop the ball, or put your foot in your mouth. The kind of stuff human beings do about 9 billion times a second around the globe.

You and I miss deadlines. We disengage our brains from our mouths, we make the wrong choices or we just "forgot" to send that memorandum. Our humanity keeps seeping out our superegos. In spite of our best intentions, we keep disappointing others and ourselves.

When this humanity thing happens at work, it gets really dicey, because we are being paid to be right. Now there is money glued to our illusion of perfectionism. If we are wrong, it could cost us literally.

Well, let's go back to the opening statement of this column, "Cal, I found your last column confusing. I'm not sure what was the main point."

Since we all will make mistakes and we get paid for being right, is it not possible for someone to criticize my "work" without my becoming personally defensive? The comment was made about my work, not me.

This is a major reason why many of our workplaces have become stages for sickening sentimentality and insincerity. No one seems to have the fortitude to be critical of work for fear of offending someone's ego. Well, if I have not accurately communicated, which is my job as a writer, then you do have the right to criticize my work without me immediately thinking about tearing out some of your internal organs.

My point (so that no one is confused!) is that constructive criticism should be a natural, and desirable, part of our work environments. If the criticism is about my work, not me, I should be able to handle it.

I can hear you right now, "Oh, sure, little bald guy, what if the person is using your work to really criticize you?" Yes, it happens (there is that humanity seeping out again).

If the criticism is personal and not professional, here are some responses you may want to use.

"I am concerned that I am not hearing the real message here. Is your criticism about my work or about me? Could you please clarify?"

Or, you may want to try, "I do not share your perception of my work and these are the reasons are there any other issues we need to discuss?" Either of those interventions will let the other person know you are not interested in playing games at work.

What about the case where the person's criticism is valid? (Yes, I know that happens just once every millennium for you.) Here are some statements you may want to post somewhere the next time someone offers some constructive criticism:

Separate yourself from your behavior. You are not the sum total of all your mistakes.

In other words, learn to offer yourself forgiveness.

Take the energy you have for criticizing yourself and direct it into new behaviors or skills instead of beating up yourself with labels and words you probably heard as a child.

Remind yourself if you are never wrong, there is something wrong. If you never make a mistake you are either teetering on the edge of sainthood or coworkers are being dishonest with you (I'd put my money on the latter!).

Accept the fact that you, not others, are responsible for your actions and attitudes.

When you blame, you normally are being dishonest with yourself.

If the criticism was not constructive, give a constructive, adult response.

So, you had a problem with my last column? Well, you can just take that criticism and shove it right in the mail, because I want to hear from you!

(Dr. Cal LeMon solves organizational problems with customized training and consulting. His company, The Executive Edge, can be contacted via the Business Journal at sbj@sbj.net.)