Workplace Calisthenics: Airports continue laughable security measures

Security is not the issue; stupidity is.

The United States was grievously wounded on Sept. 11. If you have traveled through the Springfield-Branson Regional Airport in the last few months you will notice this wound continues to fester in additional security and stupidity. I'm talking about the "random security check" at the gate.

This column is not about inconvenience. I believe most people in this country would gladly accept being inconvenienced over being horrified.

The pillars of smoke billowing through the streets of New York, Washington and the forests of Pennsylvania are still bouncing between our ears. We are traumatized patriots. To cooperate with someone rooting through my underwear is a small price to pay to make sure that video tape never rolls again.

Unfortunately, not only did the government fail to stop the terrorists, the measures taken in the wake of this nightmare almost guarantee a repeat performance.

There is a pervasive reactive mindset of those planning airport security. I get the impression that officials are just waiting to see the next breach of security so they can plug the dike.

Because Richard Reed was trying to light up his sneakers over the North Atlantic, get ready to take your shoes off, watch them shuttled through an X-ray machine and present your tootsies for scanning with a hand-held device.

Can you imagine what the screening process at American airports would look like if Reed had tried to ignite his underwear? Springfield-Branson Regional Airport could be the best show in town!

Once you get through the security checkpoint, go to your gate and start, like me, to strategize how to get through the random check that is about to begin.

When your flight is called, someone from your airline will pick up the screening wand and walk to a flimsy card table left over from a church ham dinner. Here is where the stupidity begins.

This employee, who will be churning through every zippered compartment and piece of clothing (clean or dirty), may have just finished unloading baggage, draining the on-board toilet or starting up the diesel auxiliary power unit. These airline employees are not the problem; the system is. With an airport dominated by commuter airlines, everyone has to cross-train on almost every task. Security should not be one of them.

Guess who makes the decision as to whether you are a security risk? You got it! What do these people know about professionally "reading security-risk passengers?" Someone is screaming right now, "They have been through an intensive four-hour course."

Does a four-hour course make someone an expert when your life is on the line? What if your doctor told you, just before performing your open-heart surgery, that he/she had a four-hour course in this procedure? Feeling secure?

These well-intentioned, dedicated employees have one goal at each boarding, "keep the table full."

To avoid this stupidity, all you have to do is wait until there are one or more unfortunate persons who have been selected for "trial-by-rubber-gloves." When you see the card table has several victims, immediately get in line. If you can give the airline personnel your boarding pass before the table is empty, you are safe from further harassment.

So what's the solution? I have three suggestions.

First, post a trained security agent (this is his/her "calling" as a professional) at each gate. This person will professionally scan those who are boarding and be able to identify security risks.

Second, profile travelers at the ticket counter who are going one-way, have no luggage or produce other "red flags."

Third, conduct background checks on people who are legitimate frequent flyers. Their history should make it possible to get them quickly through the screening process which then can concentrate on the genuine security threats.

To let you know how serious a threat this "random screening" is at airports where competent airline staff is also asked to master security in the past four months I have never been pulled out of line, in any American airport, for secondary exam. Am I proud of myself? No, I'm scared spitless. If I can figure out this stupid system, so can some terrorist.

(Dr. Cal LeMon solves organizational problems with customized training and consulting. His company, Execu-tive Enrichment Inc., can be contacted via the Business Journal at sbj@sbj.net.)