Wine and Food Celebration benefits public TV

Since I'm female and football just isn't my cup of tea, I can't imagine any more fun on a Sunday autumn afternoon than sipping wine and eating culinary goodies to raise money for Ozarks Public Television.

You remember public television, don't you? That's who brought our kids Big Bird and "Sesame Street" and us adults "Upstairs, Downstairs" and "Nova" when there was nothing on commercial TV but "Laverne and Shirley."

Not that I have anything against the girls. They did treat us to the antics of Lenny and Squiggy and established the joys of Pepsi and milk as a drink. But wine is a drink, too. Which segues nicely into the 14th Annual Wine and Food Celebration fund-raiser brought to you by OPT and the Brown Derby Interna-tional Wine Center on Nov. 4 at the University Plaza Convention Center.

If you are smart enough to buy a $70 advance ticket to the patron's party which starts at 12:30 p.m. on the 21st and 22nd floors of the Tower Club you can get into the Wine and Food Celebration for free at 2 p.m. You'll also be way ahead of attendees who are just checking in across the street at the convention center.

And who knows, by then you may be carrying your own bottles of wine if you are lucky enough to make the right bid at the silent auction during the patron's party. The auction will feature vintage wines and rare big bottles from the world's finest vineyards.

For those who don't attend the patron's party, tickets are $25 in advance, $30 at the door. That small sum grants you entry to a wonderland of more than 60 wines from five continents. You also can sample tasty hors d'oeuvres from more than 25 restaurants and caterers. (That's "horse doovers" in Ozark talk, if you ask that great newspaperman and author of "How to Speak Pure Ozarkese," Dale Freeman, who ought to know.)

Food and wine experts will be there to teach you what wine tastes best with what food and why. There also will be an exclusive wine accessory table displaying all the latest wine accouterments more than just corkscrews.

I have a friend who has a wine bottle opener that pumps air into the bottle so the cork comes out with a nice little pop. I'd like to find one of those for me. And I wonder if there will be a cork stopper with a jumping bass on it to replace my broken one? (Actually, it was my sister's which I accidentally borrowed, so the replacement could be a Christmas present for her.)

But, say, that's a good idea. Shop for Christmas presents while you're there wine, stoppers, uncorking devices, decanting paraphernalia, books and take what you can as a tax deduction. See your tax lawyer before you do so, just to make sure. We don't want to get anybody in trouble here.