Wildlife lovers commit 'nincompoopery'

It seems ecologists and conservationists have presented a plan to transport African wildlife to the American plains areas. “Wildlife” as in lions, tigers, cheetahs, elephants, camels, etc.

Had this article appeared April 1, I would have expected the proverbial “April fool” at the end. But no, it was for real. Unable to think of an existing word to properly describe this notion, I’m left to create one of my own: “Nincompoopery.”

It is of some note that USA Today ran this bit of nincompoopery (I like it) not in Section A, where most real news stories end up, rather it was in Section D, Life. It shared the page with a feature on the latest concert tour of the Rolling Stones, and stories about Eminem and celebrity poker.

The nincompoopery of lions in Nebraska and elephants in Colorado was in the right place.

According to USA Today, the idea was hatched last year by 14 ecologists and conservationists who were meeting on Ted Turner’s ranch in New Mexico. The plan called for the African critters to be placed on fenced private land; no mention was made as to whose land. I wonder if some might end up on Turner’s land? A wild guess: No.

Apparently, African governments can’t protect the animals. It must be poachers who are hunting them down. Of course, no Americans would sneak over the fences to kill exotic animals for their coats.

The thing is, we can’t protect the borders from illegal immigrants; how can we protect herds of wild animals from hunters?

Another extinction issue is the loss of African habitat. Let me get this straight. The vast reaches of Africa can’t support these animals, but space is available in America for people and their native animals to coexist with other animals who see them as lunch?

If a group advances a scheme guaranteed to draw snickers from anyone with a measurable IQ, you would think they would come up with documentation having a ring of truth to it.

They say that importing African animals would restore the biodiversity of North America to be closer to what nature was like before we humans ruined it. Say what? Lions and tigers never roamed the wilds of America, so they want to relocate them to a place where they were never located to restore a biodiversity that never existed?

Even if all African wildlife once roamed the American prairies, this bit of relocation nincompoopery should be shot down before someone decides Nebraska would be a terrific home for lions.

Once upon a time, someone thought it would be a terrific idea to control soil erosion in the American south by relocating a foreign plant called kudzu from Asia to the United States.

Southerners can tell you that kudzu has become a plague – a terribly destructive, noxious weed that chokes out everything in its path.

If farmers, cattle and sheep owners were opposed to efforts to reintroduce wolves to areas where they once lived, how would they react to lions and tigers added to the biodiversity? Wow! Would lions intermingle with wolves?

It would take a lot of major league fences erected around a 1ot of land to hold the kinds of animals these geniuses are talking about. If an elephant in Colorado were to squash a fence, letting the herd out, the folks in Denver might be upset.

If the tigers on Ted Turner’s New Mexico ranch were to jump the fence, the natives of Albuquerque might become very restless.

The plan calls for use of fenced private land. Whose land? Assuming cattle and cowboys, sheep and sheepherders, pets and their owners can be kept away from these biodiversity restorers, will the fence builders also provide enough prey for the African carnivores to dine on?

Some ideas absolutely define nincompoopery. This is one of them.

Joe McAdoo is former chairman of the communication department at Drury University.