Too much familiarity, talk can breed 'no sale?

It was your basic "you're in and out, nobody get hurts" visit to a local department store chain. I knew exactly what I wanted. I needed a tube of lipstick. I knew the name, and I knew the brand.

"Excuse me, (I had to interrupt a conversation that the women at the cosmetic counter were having about boyfriends) I'm looking for a lipstick. The color is racy.'" (That's really its name, honest!)

"Well, hon, let me look."

While I examined my eyebrows in a mirror, the sales associate fumbled around in a huge drawer.

She finally came up for air, saying, "No sweetie, we don't have it. Do you want me to call you if it comes in, honey? I would be glad to, doll."

I am not making this up. She used more endearments than my husband did on Valentine's Day!

I did leave my name and have still to hear from honey-sweetie-doll face.

The whole incident brought up an area of customer service that is also my pet peeve: the too-familiar salesperson.

It should be fairly obvious that one shouldn't address strangers using romantic terminology, but I often find people talking this way.

If it were done in any other context, it would be grounds for sexual harassment. Mostly, it is just irritating.

Another variation on this theme is the person who can't draw the line between polite small talk and interrogation.

This exchange occurred in a local dress shop:

"What's the occasion for the dress?"

"I'm going to a wedding in Califor-nia."

"What part of California?"

"Whittier, near Los Angeles."

"Who's getting married?"

"The daughter of friends."

"How did the bride and groom meet?"

This would have been fine if I was speaking with a neighbor. I thought about the conversation afterwards. While the salesperson didn't ask anything terribly personal, somehow it felt like it was too much.

Asking me about the occasion was appropriate. She might have been able to direct me to the right section. Asking me if it was a formal or more casual wedding might have been a good follow-up.

What she did, however, was break my concentration. If she wanted to make the sale (and I assume she did as she is on commission), she should have kept me to small talk that revolved around the reason I was in the store.

Being too casual is another pitfall. My husband's pet peeve is the following:

"What can I do for you guys?"

The quick response is, "There's only one guy here."

We've been called "guys" at banks, restaurants, mortgage companies and in the doctor's office. This can be called the Valley Girling of Missouri!

There's something about using the word "guys" that makes any kind of transaction less businesslike. We were impressed when we went to look at cars recently. After five dealerships where "the guys" (my husband and I) were greeted, we finally heard, "What may I do for you folks?"

Senior citizens are not used to the current over-familiarity and especially re-sent being "guyed."

Age differences need to be kept in mind when waiting on customers. Many older people do not consider any familiarity to be courteous and are often out of their comfort zone when called "guys," when called by their first names or when asked personal questions.

Intimacy in a setting which should be impersonal sets a bad tone for any business dealing. When you are applying for a loan, for example, you want to be treated almost formally and impersonally. That doesn't mean you don't want someone to be friendly and understanding.

Four tips on over-familiarity:

Call no stranger by a name usually used in a romantic setting.

Limit the small talk to the parameters of the sale.

Only address regiments of Marines, fraternities and Boy Scouts as "guys."

Don't confuse courtesy and friendliness with intimacy.

If you follow the above, sweetie, you won't cross the familiarity line. Trust me, hon!

(Sinara Stull O'Donnell is a writer and professional speaker in the career arena through her company Sinara Speaks.)