There's no place for envy in working environment

Gore Vidal was a bitter man, but he was honest. Who can honestly say they haven’t felt just a twinge of envy when someone else succeeds where they have tried and failed?

I learned my most important lesson about envy in an unlikely venue: a weight-loss class. One of the participants asked the instructor, “How can I get over my jealousy? I feel terrible when I look at someone thin and I am so fat!”

“Just look at her in a different way,” suggested the leader. “Instead of being envious, say, ‘That’s for me!’”

That’s for me! Three simple words which help us through our negative thought dances. Three words that validate the other person’s success. Three words that give hope to our struggles.

Have you ever worked in a situation where your co-workers, or even your boss, were envious of your success? It is a pernicious place to be, and it eats away at self-esteem. Sometimes the negativity is so heavy that it weighs us down and we are unable to move forward in our lives.

How does envy rear its destructive head in the workplace?

• You find out that someone else got a higher raise than you did.

• Your boss hears you complimented by a higher-up and kicks you down a notch.

• Someone criticizes you unfairly.

• You have a string of bad luck while a colleague can do nothing wrong.

• You think someone has “too big a head.”

All of our negative thoughts are “normal,” but how we act upon them decides whether we will be weighed down by mediocrity or soar with success.

The envy you feel toward others hurts you. The envy that others feel toward you might hurt you. You can control the former, at least outwardly. If the latter is too pervasive, it might be time to get a new job.

I was a recruiter for a health insurance company in California and made friends with a colleague who worked in compensation. She seemed very down one day, and I asked what was wrong.

“Remember when I got the award for submitting the idea for the slogan?” she said.

I sure did! She got a $250 gift certificate at Nordstrom’s and a big plaque. I had been wracking my brain for ideas ever since I attended the ceremony.

“Well, my boss thinks I got too much attention, and she is making me pay. She criticizes everything I do and she won’t get off my back,” she said. “What should I do?”

Regrettably, the answer was straightforward: Get out. Working for a manager who won’t let you be where you are is an untenable situation.

If another employee is envious of you, you may have to roll with the punches for a while. You need to avoid the negativity as much as possible. In the meantime, watch your back.

But what about your envy?

• Be very conscious of your feelings of envy. It is almost impossible not to be envious at times in our lives. I learned something else in that weight-loss class: The instructor showed us a picture of a model and asked how we felt about it. We all said we were envious. She asked us how she looked. We said we thought she looked happy.

It was then that she dropped the line on us: “Don’t judge someone else’s outsides by your insides.” She proceeded to tell us, in Technicolor, what that model had to go through to become that thin. It wasn’t pretty. Your envy might be misplaced.

• Compliment others on their success. You’ve heard it a thousand times, “That makes my day.” We are all starved for compliments. Giving them to others makes them feel great and adds to our lives as well. When I worked in publishing, I helped put on a huge show at the national sales meeting. Afterward, the company president said two words to me: “Good job!” I felt like Wonder Woman. I didn’t get a bonus, a trophy or roses, but “Good job!” was enough.

• Remember that there is always room at the top. Regardless of whether your colleagues succeed, you have plenty of room to grow. I learned a difficult lesson in Toastmasters when I was in Simi Valley, Calif. A close friend beat me in a local contest. She went on to win the regional contest.

I felt bad. I felt as though I was a better speaker. I felt like the judges had robbed me. I felt envious that she got the big trophy and all the accolades at the state meeting and I got zip. Outwardly I was very supportive, but inside I seethed. In short, I had reverted to a pouty seventh grader. My mother would have none of it and pulled me back to reality: “Isn’t there another contest next year?” It was too simple. I had to laugh.

There is always opportunity. We can reach for it or we can let envy drag us down!

Wouldn’t it be better to take Vidal’s quote and rewrite it to read: “Whenever a friend succeeds, something in me is motivated to win, too!”

Sinara O’Donnell is the principal of SinaraSpeaks, based in Springfield. She speaks nationwide on customer service, communication and humor.

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