The Sporting Life: Grinch-like rant balanced by holiday blessings

Brent Lawrence is columnist, copy editor and Santa/Grinch (depending on the day) for the Springfield Business Journal.

Bah humbug. Here goes with the lumps of coal, destined for everyone's stocking this Christmas (or Festivus, for all of those secular-minded Seinfeld fans).

Politicians. This isn't aimed at the good folks on city councils, school boards or any of the folks serving on county and city commissions or boards.

Generally speaking, those are good, civil people. Sure, they all have personal agendas and differing opinions, but we all do. Regardless of whether I agree with them, they're trying to improve the local process and should be commended.

But I'm already tired of national and state politicians and all the debate that surrounds them. Politicians are already bickering among themselves, insinuating the others are liars, crooks and cheats who aren't looking out for the public good. But eight months from now, two of them will be paired up as president and vice president candidates. And Republicans are just as bad. It's just so dirty the special-interest groups, pork-barrel projects and lobbyists.

And the legions of loyal but terribly myopic followers who blindly spout the party line without understanding what they're really talking about, drive me nuts.

I'm happy to talk politics, but please be reasonably well informed and somewhat open minded. Otherwise, leave me out of the political discussions.

For those politicians and their mindless followers, I give a whole rail car full of coal.

It's a little late in the year for this rant, but those darn scooter drivers will be back on the streets soon. Two things about scooters bother me: 1) Drivers who ride their scooters on the main roads, and 2) If motorcycle riders have to wear helmets, why shouldn't folks on scooters?

Some of those scooters won't go more than 35 mph (and that's going downhill with a good wind behind them), yet I regularly see them on Glenstone and National. As a former motorcycle rider, I believe one of the most important parts of riding is being able to get out of somebody's way. This means having the power to speed up. Scooters just don't have that power.

I'm told that anything with less than a 50cc motor is considered a motorized bicycle and doesn't require a helmet. If that's the case, they should drive like bicyclists and not get in the middle of Glenstone and that's for their safety and mine.

For those offending scooter drivers, I give one lump of coal, firmly crammed into the exhaust pipe.

Street sweepers. Why do those slow-moving street sweepers need to be on the road during rush hour? I recently passed one on West Bypass at 7:45 a.m., and traffic was tied up as two lanes tried to merge to get around the whirling behemoth.

I can understand working in the mornings, but why does it have to be on high-traffic roads. Why not clean side streets during the rush hours and at lunchtime, and do highways in the off-peak hours? I live on a high-traffic road and my trash service picks up at 5:30 a.m., I assume so that it's not holding up traffic. Why can't street sweepers extend the same courtesy?

The street sweeper doesn't get any coal, because it burns enough fossil fuels on its own.

While I can spew out a few Grinch-like grumbles, I'm actually a fat, jolly man (much like St. Nick) and there are many things to be happy about this Christmas season.

My family and kids are healthy (except for a few bouts with colds) and safe this holiday season. A multitude of friends and acquaintances also make life special. Thanks to all of them.

Economic indicators (whatever they really are) say that the economy and job market are getting better. That's good for all of us, whether employed or business owners.

Even the recent snow brought a smile to the face, as it beautifully blanketed the bare, gray tree limbs at my house. Without the cold of winter, we couldn't properly appreciate the beauty of spring and fall.

And, of course, what would a column be without a Christmas wish for a quality starting pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals. And the Grinch in me wishes for the Chicago Cubs to return to their loveable losers role they've played so aptly since 1908.

Merry Christmas to all.