Taxing tans, fat and pot will solve all problems

In Springfield Business Journal’s March 2 issue, I wrote about the U.S. trade deficit and how reducing it could bring about some real long-term change for our economy. All the while, Washington already was working on solving our problems with health care.

Warning: The following content is rated NL for “not likely” and OT for “out there.”

Tan tax
I was surprised to hear that – according to the health care reform bill – a new “tan tax” of 10 percent is coming into effect for those who like to artificially suntan. So, all of you who feel good about buying your bronzed bodies can feel even better knowing that you’re helping to generate immediate additional tax revenue for Uncle Sam.

Luckily, since we all now have access to health care, if anyone gets skin cancer from all the extra tanning – the kind my father was diagnosed with last year – we will have our doctor visits paid for. How’s that for a positive economic cycle?

Fat tax
Also, thanks to the new reform, McDonald’s will be required to post in its restaurants that the Big Mac meal has 1,170 glorious calories. Do you realize that 65 percent of Americans are overweight, resulting in 300,000 excessive-weight deaths each year?

Instead of posting the calories, why not pass a special tax on fast food and junk food? If fast junk food is linked to obesity, then shouldn’t this be taxed as a sin also, like tanning, tobacco and alcohol?

If our legislature feels it’s important enough to remind us of the calories we’re consuming, then we should simply enact a new tax to really remind us of our addiction. Face it, the No. 1 killer in American is heart disease, and if we’re going to live super-sized, then shouldn’t there be a tax on this?

Cha-ching! Talk about the new cash cow.

Pot tax
But wait – if you liked that idea, here’s a bonus opportunity to really get on the fast track to solving our financial problems. Right now, there’s some serious consideration being given to the legalization of marijuana in California. I guess it’s the state’s largest cash crop (undocumented – like the population, of course), and the legislature calculates that annual tax revenue in excess of $1 billion can be generated immediately. Woo hoo!

Just imagine if we could get all of the states and the feds on board with the legalization of all drugs. We could benefit from the government’s intervention, which would ensure we were getting better quality drugs, with oversight by the Food and Drug Adminisration, and better distribution, all the while boosting tax revenues incredibly. Imagine the effects on the manufacturing base and even distribution expansion, creating more jobs. Remembering that more jobs equal more taxable revenues, we’re actually helping on both ends.

What if we could begin to export marijuana and other drugs to China and around the world? Then maybe the trade deficit could be reduced as well. I was thinking that we could be exporters of alternative energy resources one day, but that may simply take too long. This is a much faster path to dig us out of our $12.5 trillion debt.

Missed mark
Do these ideas seem really that far-fetched? Do they really seem that out of whack for the state of our economy right now? Maybe mom and dad should smoke a joint while the kids enjoy a two-for-one Happy Meal. The whole family will feel great about paying a luxury tax and helping out our economy.

Everything we do is taxed. Make money, pay tax. Make more money, pay more tax. Buy something, pay tax. Own a house, pay tax. Smoke, drink and tan, pay extra tax. Buy gas and drive on a toll road, pay extra tax. Breathe, pay more tax – OK, not just yet, but sort of with all of the volatile organic compound regulations.

As ridiculous as these ideas are, they express the absurdity of the world in which we live and how far off the mark we are after 200 years. Remembering that income tax didn’t exist 100 years ago, I wonder what will happen when our collective tax rate reaches 100 percent.

Change will only truly come when the citizens of our nation rise up and demand something different. Until then, the few will rule the majority, and bills that affect generations will be passed by 219 people – as was the case with the recent health care reform bill.

Skip Motsenbocker is chief marketing officer of SignalPoint Asset Management in Springfield. He can be reached at smotsenbocker@signalpointinvest.com.[[In-content Ad]]