Taste of retirement teaches lesson

I had a taste of retirement when we first moved to Springfield six years ago, and I don’t think I handled it very well. In Los Angeles, I had a very demanding job as a corporate recruiter for a very fast-paced organization. On our rambling trip across the United States through the Grand Canyon, Mesa Verde, Albuquerque and Oklahoma City, I talked incessantly of how it was going to be when we got to Springfield. My husband would get a full-time “regular” job. I would stay home and would finally be able to do what I always wanted: write! I would finally able to be creative.

The problem was that for the first six months, I was miserable. There never seemed to be enough hours in the day. It seemed like my husband had no sooner left for work that he was back home again! I started to explore outside outlets, and they all seemed to fizzle.

Thank heaven I rejoined Toastmasters and began to make friends. One of these was Marlene Chism, who encouraged me to speak professionally. Basically, I went back to work, albeit from my home, in six months.

So, what will happen when I really retire? I hope that I am better prepared. The following are some of the lessons that I have learned and observed, which will lead to a successful retirement:

1. Don’t immediately move away from all your friends. I learned this when we moved from California. Not only was I starting a new phase of my life, I was leaving my “nest.” If you are planning on retirement, give it about a year before you make a drastic move. Become relaxed in the routines and enjoyment of retirement. Understand your new you and then move to that retirement community in Timbuktu you’ve always dreamed of!

2. Establish a routine that has roughly the same hours as your full-time job, and keep to a daily schedule. Don’t forget the lesson you learned every Monday of your working life. Mondays are hard because your schedule is completely changed. You eat different foods and you interact with another circle over the weekend. “Blue” Mondays are often that way because of our body’s reaction to change. Just as you would arrange your time on the job to be productive, you should set your daily schedule with A, B and C priorities, which you cross off as they are completed.

3. Remain active in organizations and/or join new ones. Earlier I mentioned Toastmasters, an international group devoted to public speaking for professionals and amateurs. I’ve been a member for more than 20 years. One of the things I have always liked about it is that there are people of all ages in the group. The age range in ours is 22 to 72. Many of the retirees in our club joined when they were working in order to improve their speaking skills for the job, but have stayed on because it is fun and meetings are interesting (www.toast

masters.org).

My husband is active in the Kiwanis Club - Springfield South. There are quite a number of retirees in this group as well, who come every Thursday and are active in charitable fund-raisers. Church also is a great way to interact and help others. I asked a friend what she would be doing upon retiring, and she said that she was “just going to be much more active in her church and her other organizations.”

Retirement gives the opportunity to try new groups. A good friend in Oklahoma City joined Newcomers. She had just moved to the area. This has given her an opportunity to form friendships, attend monthly luncheons, play mah-jongg and participate in a book club.

4. Take the initiative in remaining in contact with business friends. Use a little empathy. I have heard retirees complain that their former business friends have “dumped them.” Remember what it is like to be in a full-time job and keep up a home. It is exhausting and busy.

You are the one with the time. Take the initiative to call up your friend(s) at work and set up a quick lunch, an early dinner after work, or, even better, a Saturday lunch. You may have to be the initiator for a while until your business friends get used to your new role as well.

5. Take up activities that mirror your full-time employment. For more than 30 years, one of my best friends worked as a physical therapist. She had to take an early retirement when the work became too strenuous for her. We had a long talk about her retirement. She felt bored, isolated and at a loss. She had tried different organizations, with mixed results, but something was missing.

After much discussion, we came to the conclusion that she felt empty because she wasn’t helping others as she had done for 30 years. As a therapist, she had helped people with strokes walk again, she had eased the suffering of patients after accidents and fires, and she felt useful. We concluded that she needed to volunteer in a hospital. She couldn’t give physical therapy, but she could help the lonely. She is an excellent candidate for volunteering in a medical

setting, because she has no fear. She has already “seen it all.” She won’t have to concentrate on the physical problem; she can look into the hearts of the patients she visits.

The difference is that these types of activities will only take up a fraction of your week instead of the 40- to 60-hour weeks that you were working before.

6. Understand that feelings of loss are to be expected. The late Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote of the grief cycle that we go through after the loss of a loved one: shock, denial, anger, depression and acceptance. These stages can be applied to any loss and are often experienced “out of order” or simultaneously.

When you retire, you have lost your job. It is not the same kind of loss as being fired, but it is there just the same, and you need to prepare for some reactions to this major change in your life.

I can’t wait for my real retirement! I think I deserve it. This time, I hope to do it right. I hope that I will plan for my life in way that is fulfilling for me and serves others.

Retirement is more than where you will live. It is what you will do and who you are.

Sinara Stull O’Donnell is a professional speaker and writer through Springfield-based SinaraSpeaks. She is the author of “Be The Star Of Your Life: Are You Ready For Your Close-Up?”