Successfully Speaking: More masculine traits could benefit women in workplace

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Jane Sanders, located in Springfield, has expertise in gender communication, authentic leadership, presentation skills and meeting facilitation.|ret||ret||tab|

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The biological and social differences between men and women discussed in previous columns translate to behavioral style discrepancies. Translation: confusion and conflict! The source of these problems will become even more apparent as you see how these styles aren't just different, they basically oppose each other.|ret||ret||tab|

The masculine style of behavior is often the opposite of feminine behavior, and vice versa. You'll see yourself in these styles, and you'll recognize people you love and people you work with. The box at right compares a few of these style discrepancies.|ret||ret||tab|

Do realize, however, that these behavioral styles are generalities. There are always exceptions to the rule. But we must start somewhere, and these generalities provide a foundation to work with. That's why I label them as "masculine" and "feminine" styles rather than "male" and "female" all people have a combination of both styles.|ret||ret||tab|

Understanding these differences will help you improve the productivity and effectiveness of your communication.|ret||ret||tab|

Starting at the top of the list, men are largely programmed for independence and superiority (due to past duties of hunting, protecting, battle, etc.). On the other hand, responsible for relationships and considered less important (in order to help position male dominance), women are programmed more for consensus and inferiority. At best, even today, equality. |ret||ret||tab|

Society is getting better, but this programming has been part of our make-up for hundreds of thousands of years and it's not going to go away anytime soon. |ret||ret||tab|

Men don't apologize nearly as often as women do. In most cases it would behoove men to apologize more, and it would benefit women to apologize less to avoid being perceived as weak. Superiority programming leads to this characteristic in men. |ret||ret||tab|

One example involved a female attorney friend of mine who reports to a male. Before leaving on a business trip, Barb asked her boss to call a client for her and determine her authority level (in dollar damages) for the mediation scheduled the day she returned. This is common practice. |ret||ret||tab|

The day of the mediation, Barb was down to the wire, the mediation was to start in less than an hour, and she hadn't heard from her boss yet as he was late arriving at their office. Finally he appeared, skirted all around the subject of the authority level, and left her to make decisions with no client consultation or approval. He had forgotten to call the client, never admitted it, and never apologized for his oversight. Barb told me that the next day he avoided her like the plague. |ret||ret||tab|

Did Barb confront him with the truth? No. She may be an attorney who excels in litigation, but she still hates conflict and confrontation. (This feminine characteristic will be discussed in next month's column.)|ret||ret||tab|

Again because of leadership and protection responsibilities, men are programmed more for status and competition than women, whereas women are wired more for connection and harmony. Even in conversation these differences are demonstrated. |ret||ret||tab|

According to Deborah Tannen, Ph.D., an expert on gender communication issues and author of "You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men In Conversation," men often view conversations as "negotiations" in which they try to achieve status and maintain independence. Women, on the other hand, tend to see conversation as a way to connect with other people.|ret||ret||tab|

However, women would benefit, as some do, from having the ability to shift into a more independent, superior style for certain business situations and negotiations. Likewise, men would gain from applying their feminine side of connection and harmony to various management concerns calling for compassion and understanding.|ret||ret||tab|

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