Successfully Speaking: Gender differences impact work, home relationships

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Located in Springfield, Jane Sanders has expertise in gender communication, authentic leadership, presentation skills, and meeting facilitation.|ret||ret||tab|

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Continuing with my series on behavioral differences between men and women, the opposing traits discussed here affect both workplace and personal relationships. |ret||ret||tab|

Keep in mind these behaviors are generalities, as there are exceptions to the rule. Also, notice an interesting phenomenon the two sides put together create a whole picture. We are all both feminine and masculine, just in different ways and varying degrees. Neither behavioral style is right or wrong, or good or bad. Just different!|ret||ret||tab|

Men prefer to be respected and admired; women prefer to be liked and approved of. Be very clear that I am not saying women don't want to be respected and admired, or that men don't want to be liked. These are generalities and preferences. |ret||ret||tab|

So many women, including myself when first in the business world, are in denial about this difference and several others. I told myself, "I don't care if they like me or not, I need to be respected to get ahead!" Yes, I did need to be respected to get ahead, but the truth is I also wanted to be liked, and still do. I simply wasn't being honest with myself because I felt it sounded weak and lightweight. |ret||ret||tab|

If I had to choose between the two, in most business situations I would still select respect, but overall I would prefer both! Because of men's more independent nature and superiority programming, they can more easily compromise on the "like" aspect and shoot for respect.|ret||ret||tab|

Men tend to withdraw under stress. Remember, they were programmed for independence and superiority, and think they should solve their own problems. |ret||ret||tab|

In "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus," which I recommend, author John Gray tells us that men go into their caves when stressed. They don't want help; they want to figure it out themselves. So they go off some place where they can ponder the issue alone and process it. |ret||ret||tab|

On the opposite end of the spectrum, women talk under stress for two reasons: they bond through sharing feelings and problems, and they are more verbal. Talking through issues helps them process and understand. A very different style! |ret||ret||tab|

What happens? Men see and hear women talking about all these problems and think, "Good grief, she's going to have a nervous breakdown any second now! She's not ready for promotion." |ret||ret||tab|

No, it's just a style difference! |ret||ret||tab|

Men bond through tasks and activities. Working on the car, playing sports, painting the house, building a garage. As I just mentioned, women bond through talking. When a woman's partner comes in from a game of golf and she asks him how the game was, what does he say? "Fine." |ret||ret||tab|

Then she asks what he and his friends talked about. "Nothing." He's serious! And if they did talk about something at any length, he doesn't remember what! Even so, he feels just as close to his friends as she does to hers; it's just a different style of bonding. Neither of these styles is right or wrong, good or bad. Just different. |ret||ret||tab|

Of course, men do talk, but generally not to the degree women do and it's often about sports, hobbies or business. And these differences are international. My friend Andrew in Sydney, Australia, told me about the Great Aussie Barby Syndrome. This is where all the men stand around the barbeque talking about sports, and all the women sit somewhere nearby talking about kids or other "womanly" topics. |ret||ret||tab|

Heaven help anyone who attempts a border crossing; Andrew advised that this is seen as treachery to your gender. Looking at this behavior from an American perspective, our male-female interactions can often be similar, whether we want to admit it or not. It's just that our judgment of the "treachery" is less conspicuous. We'll refer to the offending person as a flirt, a suck-up, brown-noser or a traitor.|ret||ret||tab|

Further supporting the difference in bonding styles, it has been determined by researchers that management tends to view male employees as task-oriented and female employees as people-oriented. However, these two orientations don't necessarily oppose each other, but complement one another, as do many of the differing styles.|ret||ret||tab|

Women report that if their staff is happy as a result of being people-oriented, they will work more productively and effectively, and be more task-oriented. Deborah Tannen in "You Just Don't Understand" quotes a female manager, "If my people are happy, they are going to do a better job for me."|ret||ret||tab|

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