SATIRE: Treasury announces bonus financial quarter worth double the cash

As the federal government shutdown continues to stymie national park vacation plans, the U.S. Department of the Treasury announced exclusively to The Onion, the country is poised to enter a bonus financial quarter worth double the cash.

Treasury Secretary Jacob  Lew confirmed the economy’s performance in the third quarter has qualified American markets for the so-called Bonanza Quarter. This three-month period would allow corporations and households the opportunity to double their income and assets and “move up the big board," The Onion reports.

“You can either keep your accrued earnings from Q1, Q2, and Q3, or you can put your luck on the line and go double or nothing in one fast-paced, high-stakes fiscal blowout," Lew told The Onion.

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