SATIRE: No one to celebrate government reopening

Americans are too mad at their elected officials to begin thinking of celebrating an end to the government shutdown, according to poll numbers released by satirical publication Fair City News.

The results of the multiple-choice poll indicate that two-thirds of participants prefer removing politician’s pensions, 20 percent selected giving the muckity-mucks a permanent job cleaning abandoned mine shafts and 13 percent said they’d like to give representatives a choice of which knee of theirs would be permanently removed.

Through the poll, however, absolutely no one selected an option to celebrate the government reopening.

Read more from Fair City News.