SATIRE: Nabisco snack physicists develop highly unstable Quadriscuits

Seeking to improve its Triscuits, snack physicists at Nabisco Labs have performed the first successful synthesis of a Quadriscuit cracker.

The salty treat was largely theoretical until the successful experiment, according to The Onion.

“At the moment, this hyperwafer can only exist for six milliseconds in a precisely calibrated field of magnetic energy, positrons, roasted garlic, and beta particles,” lab chief Dr. Paul Ellison told reporters at a press conference outside Nabisco’s $200 million seven-whole-grain accelerator.

Read more from The Onion.