SATIRE: Bank Of America introduces Existential Rewards credit card program

Affirming the company’s commitment to giving back to their loyal customers, Bank of America unveiled its new Existential Rewards credit card program at a press event Friday, which will reportedly allow cardholders to accrue a deep sense of fulfillment and purpose on all purchases, The Onion reports.

“We’re excited to bring our customers an easy, incentivized program wherein the more they spend with their Existential Rewards credit card, the more meaning they gain in their lives,” a Bank of America spokeswoman told The Onion.

“With 3 percent quarterly cash back and a variety of redeemable feelings ranging from inner contentment to a perception of oneness with the world, customers are sure to make their Existential Rewards card their credit card of choice."

Card holders can achieve everlasting enlightenment by racking up 60,000 points.

Read more from The Onion.