Rusty Saber: World divided into three types of do-it-yourselfers

Joe McAdoo, former chairman of the communication department at Drury University, is on vacation, basking on the beaches in Hawaii. The following column is reprinted from SBJ archives.

The world is made up of three types of men. The first are the do-it-yourselfers, who have about a quarter of a million dollars wrapped up in tools.

The second, the would-be do-it-yourselfers, have some tools, but never the right ones.

The third type is those who make no effort whatsoever to do it themselves and have no tools.

All three co-exist within the same society, but they do not necessarily like each other. They spend a lot of time trying to impress each other with their supremacy, however.

The true do-it-yourselfer loves to lord it over the others. He takes pride in giving guided tours of his workshop and demonstrating what he has built and repaired. He loves to make such statements as, "Yes, I built the 12-story addition to the house. I plumbed it and put the wiring in myself, built all of the furniture, spun the glass in the windows, made the carpets on my handloom and built the neon sign that's on the roof."

The other two groups hate this guy. He is so neat and self-assured. He has a place for every tool he owns, and each is in its place. This guy doesn't remember the names of all his kids, but he can tell you where he bought every wrench in his tool collection.

The would-be do-it-yourselfer would like for others to believe that he is just as handy as the first type. He talks a lot about what he has done, but never gives guided tours. The reason? His tools are a mismatched bunch of screwdrivers and wrenches piled into a couple of shoeboxes.

His house is a model of half-finished projects and botched-up finished ones. His heart is in the right place, but he never has the right tools to get the job done. He can be found at any given time trying to tighten a Phillips head screw with a regular screwdriver.

The third type doesn't give a rip. He may have one or two screwdrivers, a pair of pliers and a hammer, in case of emergency, but he can never find them.

His philosophy is that if he needs to have a tooth pulled, he goes to a dentist, or if he needs his appendix removed, he wouldn't dream of doing it himself. When he needs something built or repaired, he has a professional do it or he just ignores the problem. He co-exists with the would-be do-it-yourselfer, but stays away from Mr. Fixit.

Which one of these types are you? There was a time when I was a would-be do-it-yourselfer. But I grew sick of trying to do something without the proper tools and the half-finished projects.

"If you want something done right, find someone who knows how to do it," has become my philosophy. I believe the mark of true maturity is when a person can recognize his weaknesses and stay away from them. To me, smashing my knuckles, digging through a box of greasy tools, or trying to make a kitchen knife do the job of a screwdriver is not the way I want to spend what little leisure time I have.

I am happy with my switch from the second to the third group. To all of you pretenders in the second group I say, "Join me!" You might as well admit that you are inept just like me.

If you are in the first group, lay this paper down and get out in your workshop and do something. If you can't find any building projects, clean your tools. Surely they must have gathered some dust since you cleaned them yesterday.