Rusty Saber: Week abounds with news of the good, bad and pig-snouted

Joe McAdoo is former chairman of the communication department at Drury University.

While my third eye, the one that searches out column topics, was focused on other things, various news items have accumulated, crying out for Rusty remarks.

Perhaps the most dismal of the crop of stories involved singer, dancer, resident weirdo Michael Jackson in Berlin, Germany. Everybody must have seen the photo of him dangling his baby over a balcony to show him off to the crowd below.

The possibility of dropping the little tyke upset all but his most ardent fans. Even before German officials decided that no charges would be brought, some fans picketed, carrying "Free Michael" signs.

Germans were probably afraid that if they charged him with a crime, he could be found guilty; they would be stuck with him in a German jail. His plastic surgery bill alone would play havoc with the German economy.

Jackson has had so much reconstructive surgery that no one knows what he actually looks like. His face reminds me of a porcelain doll.

However, his latest nose job isn't porcelain like! It is porcine (a.k.a. pig) like. If you have seen recent photos, you know that something went terribly wrong with the nose surgery; it looks like a pig snout.

Apparently, he has canceled concerts because of the nose. Medical science has yet to cure the common cold, but can turn Michael Jackson's nose into a pig's snout. Go figure.

Law enforcement officers may wish that all criminals were like James Ludwig. He intended to rob a Leesville, La., convenience store at gunpoint.

At first, it looked like he had the robbery gig down pat. He rushed into the store with pistol at the ready. He held three customers at gunpoint for 90 minutes, finally setting fire to the store before fleeing. In the excitement of the moment, he forgot to rob the store or the people. He was booked on charges of arson, aggravated kidnapping and aggravated assault.

This news item comes under the heading: "Some people have far too much time on their hands and too much money in them.'' I'm talking about the dipstick make that anonymous dipstick who paid $115,120 for a baseball-size clump of Elvis Presley's hair. No, the hair wasn't torn out of his head in one clump, it was collected one haircut at a time by Presley's long-time stylist, the late Mr. Gill.

My stylist sweeps up my hair clippings and throws them away. I suspect the world would be better off had Gill done the same.

Not all the news is bad. According to USA Today, cable television's MSNBC is about to cancel Phil Donahue's talk show. I was astonished when I read that he was back on the air. As far as I'm concerned, Oprah Winfrey's greatest contribution to broadcasting was driving him off the air. No one watched him then.

This much I owe to Donahue: A long time ago, during a lengthy stay in the hospital, my roommate watched the original "Donahue" show on the room television. Watching him blabbing inane pap, poking a microphone into the faces of audience members, I made two promises to myself: To always have a private hospital room, hence no roommate, and to never again watch daytime talk shows.

I have rigorously kept both promises.

This feel-good story comes from Joe Pereira, a Wall Street Journal writer. He reports that educational toys are at the top of the toy best seller list. Such toys have, in the past, sold like Popsicles to Eskimos. Not so this year.

The fourth best selling toy is LeapPad, a $50 educational talking book system. The No 1 seller is a collection of LeapPad electronic books to be read on the talking book.

Pereira goes on to list several other educational toys on the list. Think about it: toys helping children learn, containing no violence, sex, horrible otherworldly creatures. Nothing gross, scary or malicious. My third eye likes news items like this.