Rusty Saber: Rusty's law includes potholes, falling French fries

Joe McAdoo is former chairman of the communication department at Drury University.

We all know Murphy's Law proclaims that if something can go wrong, it will. But you may not be familiar with Rusty's Law, which may appear to be closely related to Murphy's Law. However, if you don't accept some difference between the two, I don't have a column.

According to Rusty's Law, if you are expecting an important phone call, it will never come while you are sitting by the phone. It will come when you step in the shower or in the brief moment you are on the phone explaining to the caller why you can't talk now. Step outside, away from the phone, for two minutes and Rusty's Law kicks in. The message on your answering machine announces that the anxiously awaited caller will try to reach you again "sometime soon."

According to Rusty's Law, if you are having car trouble, it won't act up when you take it to the repair shop. On your way home from the shop, the engine will die, and won't restart. The law decrees that when the tow truck arrives, the car will start and run smoothly.

Additional automobile variations of Rusty's Law: You never have to watch for potholes in the streets; potholes will find you.

The most effective way to break a long draught is to wash your car. If by chance it doesn't rain immediately, the first time you venture out after washing the car, you will drive on a street flooded by fender-high water as a fire hydrant is being tested by City Utilities.

Rusty's Law notes the number of red lights you face is in direct proportion to how late you are for an appointment.

Rusty's Law decrees that God did not intend for people to eat food in a car. Challengers of the law should know that the complexities of taking food and drink into the car from a drive-through window will expand proportionally with each additional eater in the car.

Getting the money out of a pocket or purse with a seat belt and a steering wheel in the way is only the beginning. Rusty mandates that if there are drinks taken into the car, drinks will be spilled. Something you eat will have some permutation of "special sauce" that will spill on you. A napkin may be strategically placed over the area where spills are most likely to land, however, the stain-inducing blob will land as close to the napkin as possible without actually touching it.

Regardless of where you may drink coffee, the probability of spilling it on yourself is in direct proportion to how easily what you are wearing will show stains.

Rusty's Law decrees that when you desperately need a pair of AA batteries, you have only AAAs on hand.

Rusty has several laws regarding flying. No airliner at a major airport ever leaves from Gate 1. The shorter the time between flights, the longer the walk to the departure gate. On a flight, if you're assigned to a three-seat row, you will be in the middle. Count on it.

The one in the aisle seat will be a Sumo wrestler who was kicked out of the profession because he got too heavy. He will take up all of his seat, half of the aisle and half of your seat. The window seat will be occupied by Mr. Weak Kidneys, meaning he will climb over you every 15 minutes en route to the restroom.

Enjoy your flight. Rusty has many laws. These have been a few of them.