Rusty Saber: Osama doll, Botox top eclectic gift list

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Although shopping for Christmas gifts doesn't have anything to do with the religious holiday called Christmas, it has everything to do with the secular holiday season superimposed over the religious one. We have Christmas and Xmas. It follows that the latter is rife with shopping madness.|ret||ret||tab|

There is a glut of merchandise on store shelves that reaches out to shoppers crying 'Buy me! Gift wrap me!" One would think shopping should be easy. Not necessarily. Some folks want to go beyond a sweater for Uncle Ralph or bottle of perfume for Aunt Elsie. I can think of a few "eclectic" gifts that might be what some shoppers are in the market for. Use your imagination and read along.|ret||ret||tab|

I have long wondered why there isn't an Osama bin Laden bobble head doll. If there is one, I'm unaware of it. Osama is a perfect candidate for being honored as a bobble head doll; he has a blank, goofy look about him that would complement the ambiance associated with bobble head dolls.|ret||ret||tab|

If I were manufacturing it, I would call it 'Osama bin Bobble." A brilliant idea, if I do say so myself. Oh, oh, how about this? Make it a talking bobble head doll. Pop in a couple of batteries and Osama would say, "Death to everyone except my friends and death to my friends, too, if they disagree with me!" If that were on the market, it would make my gift list.|ret||ret||tab|

By now those who are going to hang outdoor Christmas lights and decorations have nished the job. They have done battle with hopelessly tangled light cords, lights that work when tested but don't after being installed, endless trips up and down ladders and frostbitten ngers. |ret||ret||tab|

I am condent that had Ebenezer Scrooge installed outdoor Christmas lights and decorations, he would have used language a whole lot more crass than "bah humbug." |ret||ret||tab|

Once the lights are installed, the house and yard look nice, which makes the ordeal worthwhile. That feeling might fade when time comes to take everything down and store it away. |ret||ret||tab|

My gift suggestion for the outdoor light jockey is a gift certicate for next year to pay professional outdoor decorators to come and adorn the house and yard with majestic Christmas splendor. The crew would return after the holidays to disassemble and carry everything away. |ret||ret||tab|

True, the gift couldn't be used until next year, but it would be appreciated. Trust me on this. |ret||ret||tab|

Another gift few of us would consider is a certicate for Botox treatments. Granted, this gift should go only to a person you know to be absolutely interested in doing resurface work on the face. A gift certicate for Botox treatments to the unprepared might not be gladly received. |ret||ret||tab|

Here's one for sports fans. Baseball is in the spotlight in a way that is uncomplimentary to the game. Some of today's baseball superstars have long been suspected of using performance-enhancing steroids. It has been revealed that a few have admitted under oath to using steroids. Others will probably follow suit and fess up to doing the same. This scandal could put in question recent gargantuan home run totals. |ret||ret||tab|

I have a gift idea to be distributed by the Commissioner of Baseball to all of today's players: books about past baseball heroes such as Henry Aaron, Mickey Mantle, Willie Mays, Ted Williams, Jackie Robinson, Stan Musial, Joe DiMaggio, and of course, Babe Ruth. |ret||ret||tab|

The point of giving these biographies to present players would be to make the statement loud and clear that the immortals of the game got that way through their God-given talent only, not chemicals. Put another way: Why do you suppose it's called dope? |ret||ret||tab|

Giving these books as gifts to true baseball fans might help remind them of how the game was played before the players with multimillion-dollar salaries lled their bodies with unknown substances.|ret||ret||tab|

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Joe McAdoo is former chairman of the communication department at Drury University.|ret||ret||tab|

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