Rusty Saber: Natural law involves phones, local traffic

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Conventional wisdom, (mine, at least) has it that when awaiting an important telephone call, it will never come as long you and the phone are in the same room. Just as a watched pot never boils, a watched phone never rings. |ret||ret||tab|

Should it ring, forget the expectant call, it will be a telemarketer. When will the wanted call come? Get into the shower. Trust me, the call will come. Oh, you may also miss a couple of telemarketing calls. They come about every five minutes, but the expected call is guaranteed. Another way to get the anticipated call is to go outdoors for a few moments, come back in and the message will be on the answering machine: "Sorry I missed you. I have really important information for you, but it will have to wait, I'll be out of the country for the next month. I'll get in touch with you when I get back."|ret||ret||tab|

If you think you can circumvent this scenario by carrying a cordless phone outside with you, forget it. The call won't come as long as the phone is outside. Take it in, go back outside, and the call will come. It's a law of nature.|ret||ret||tab|

You're familiar with how this law works: The important call won't come until you can't answer the phone. The more important the call the greater the likelihood it will come when you are out of earshot.|ret||ret||tab|

Want more examples of this law at work? |ret||ret||tab|

When eating pasta with red sauce, you will spill at least one glob of sauce on whatever you are wearing. The only way to circumvent the law is to wear a bed sheet as a bib with a hole for the head cut in the center, or wear something the exact same color as the sauce. An added provision of the law: The age of the garment and the lightness of its color add to the degree of certainty of the spill. Hence, a brand-new white shirt, tie, sweater or blouse is a virtual lock for a bright red stain. It's the law.|ret||ret||tab|

Just last week I urged political candidates to support legislation forbidding television networks from scheduling good programs to run against each other. The basis for the request being that there is so much frivolous drivel on television that it should be illegal to schedule what few good programs there are against one another. If you are a television watcher, you know this legislation is essential to override the natural law mandating that any two of the few programs you like must air opposite each other. The solitary means of skirting the law is to ask a 10-year-old child to program your VCR to tape one show while you watch the other. If you do not have access to a 10-year-old, rent one.|ret||ret||tab|

Nowhere is this natural law more obvious and obtrusive than in traffic. It works like this: If you take traffic into account and leave early enough to arrive at your destination on time, you will float on wings of angels, soar effortlessly across town with green lights and sparse traffic at intersections. You'll arrive early, and have to kill time until your appointment.|ret||ret||tab|

However, if you leave home with little time to spare, the scenario reads like this: Every light will be red for an eternity; traffic lights will, as if by magic, appear at intersections where they hadn't been before. There will be an endless accumulation of sluggish cars, trucks, campers-pulling-boats-pulling-cars, all with drivers who run red lights and jump lanes. Hopelessly mired in disarray, the appointed time of arrival comes and goes, with no let up in the traffic disorder.|ret||ret||tab|

If you are a Springfield newcomer, you may doubt the existence of this natural law. Otherwise, always leave early enough to run the traffic gamut and still arrive on time. If you don't, the law will jump up and bite you. |ret||ret||tab|

Here is a different facet of the law. Ask someone, "Do you have an aspirin?" The law dictates that the person is compelled to answer with a question, "Do you have a headache?" You can either obey the law, and say "yes," or you can be a wisenheimer and say: "No, I just had this overpowering hankering to stick little white tablets in both ears. Of course I have a headache!"|ret||ret||tab|

(Joe McAdoo is former chairman of the communication department at Drury University and a Springfield public relations consultant.)[[In-content Ad]]