Rusty Saber: Here's the scoop: clichés in one swell foop

Recently I ran across a file that somehow escaped the trash bin when I cleaned out my office when I retired. Considering things I pitched that I have since wished I had kept, I have no idea why this file survived. It must have been a teaching aid that didn't make the cut; I never used it. No cover sheet is included in the file. Therefore, the author is unknown to me.

The file consists of a fairly complete dictionary of clichs. Hundreds are listed in alphabetical order. I'm talking a heap of clichs.

According to Webster, a clich is a "trite or overused expression or ideal." The unknown (to me) author's point is that clichs create hackneyed language and should be avoided. As far as I'm concerned, clichs shouldn't be used, unless, of course, I use them. (See for reference, "according to Webster.")

The list includes clichs that range alphabetically from "absence makes the heart grow fonder" to the last one, "work one's fingers to the bone." Apparently, there are no clichs beginning with X, Y or Z. It's interesting to note ... oops, "interesting to note" is one of these clichs. I'll back up: I see that the antithesis of absence makes the heart grow fonder, "out of sight, out of mind," wasn't included. Which of those two do you think is accurate? I'll put my money on out of sight, out of mind.

Some phrases are clichs and no one remembers what they mean. "One fell swoop," for instance. What in the world is a "fell" and a "swoop"?

However, as a fan of Spoonerisms, this clich can be one: "one swell foop." Another potential Spoonerism is the clich "sick and tired" which as a Spoonerism becomes "tick and sired."

Assuming someone interested in forming a rock band can actually play an instrument, the next greatest challenge is to choose a meaningless, idiotic name for the group. Wannabe band leaders should look into as-yet unused clichs.

The band Motley Cre did it its name, with the standard spelling motley crew made the clich list. Naked Truth would make a neat name, as would the clich Pandemonium Reigns. There's the to-date unused Bite the Bullet, Dead as a Doornail, Drunk As A Skunk, View With Alarm, Boggle the Mind or Seething Mass. I'm onto something here: Rock bands are passing up a colossal source of names.

It must be that when some clichs first joined the lexicon, people weren't as aware of sexist language as today. "Blushing bride" today is politically incorrect. If it were accompanied by "grinning groom" or "geeky groom," it might be a bit more acceptable, but those usages don't exist as tired clichs.

There's "bouncing baby boy," with no corresponding politically incorrect baby girl clich. Alas, there is "the fair sex," but no opposite, which would be, I assume, "the unfair sex." Thank goodness, "the little woman" didn't make the clich dictionary, nor did the equally idiotic "significant other."

Some clichs I just don't understand. Have you ever actually tried to "keep a stiff upper lip"? I have. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who wants to appear even slightly intelligent.

If you can "bend over backward," you should become a gymnast, maybe qualify for the Olympics. Pillar, be it "pillar of society" or "pillar to post," I don't understand. Isn't a pillar a post? Why is something important not "to be sneezed at"?

"Raining cats and dogs": I don't understand the clich, but if it were happening, I'd pay to see it.

Upon hearing for the first time the clich "trip the light fantastic," would you have any clue that it's a description of dancing? Since dancing is done with the lower extremities, there are these clichs: You have a "foot in the door," "a leg up;" you fall "head over heels," and "foot the bill." You "put your best foot forward" and "stick your foot in your mouth." If you are especially good at the latter, you might want to get together with the person who can bend over backward in trying out for the Olympics.

"In the final analysis," "with a grain of salt," "read the handwriting on the wall," "beat a hasty retreat," "up the creek without a paddle," "as luck would have it," "it's clear as mud."

On and on.

So many clichs, so little time to use them all.

(Joe McAdoo is former chairman of the communication department at Drury University and a Springfield public relations consultant.)