Rusty Saber: Hawaiian jambalaya from correspondent

This Rusty Saber is the last one to be dispatched from the shores of Maui. I call this column jambalaya. Jambalaya, when describing a Cajun meal, means "a mixture of good things." This column isn't a meal, but I hope it will contain a mixture of good things.

Like other tourist spots, it sometimes seems that Maui's sole purpose for being is to sell T-shirts. Maui is in the running for the title of T-shirt capital of the world. Everybody, and I mean everybody, sells T-shirts.

I've never been to a Maui mortuary, but I wouldn't be a bit surprised if I did go to one, and it had a large stock of "I Survived a Maui Funeral" T-shirts.

As a public service, the Rusty Saber proudly presents the "Principle of the Incredible Shrinking and Nonshrinking Tourist Souvenir T-shirt," which is as follows:

The souvenir T-shirt that fits perfectly at the time of purchase will shrink when washed and will continue to shrink with subsequent washings until it will fit no person beyond the age of 3.

Conversely, the T-shirt that is too large at the time of purchase will not shrink to fit the owner. Regardless of how many times it is washed, it will not shrink one little bit. You can take this principle to the bank.

You probably read about the recent fiasco, er, make that heavyweight fight in England between American Mike Tyson and Englishman Julius Francis.

Julius Francis! Whoever heard of a fighter named Julius? With a name like that, it was obvious be wasn't going to be on his feet very long. I mean, Julius is a fine name for a drink, but a Julius shouldn't be slugging it out with someone named "Iron Mike."

Going by the name alone, it didn't sound to me like it was going to be much of a fight; and it wasn't. Julius is in the wrong profession. He should be a businessman. In fact, my vote for Entrepreneur of the Year goes to none other than Julius Francis.

As I understand it, an entrepreneur recognizes a unique business opportunity and is bold enough to take advantage of it. Well, as you may know, before the fight, Julius sold advertising on the soles of his shoes. He knew that once the fight started, his time in an upright position would be limited. Julius Francis seized the moment.

Sure enough, before being counted out in the second round, Julius was knocked head over heels five times. The soles of his shoes were clearly visible, thus giving his clients extensive billboard coverage in front of a vast pay-per-view audience. Now that's entrepreneurial.

I don't want to get into the movie review business, but we recently saw "The Hurricane." I can't imagine a better performance this year by an actor in a lead role than this one by Denzel Washington in the role of Ruben "Hurricane" Carter. He's already won the Golden Globe Award; if he doesn't win the Academy Award, it will be the biggest robbery since the days of Jesse James. They should bypass the preliminaries and just hand him the Oscar.

As I write this, the Super Bowl is fresh in my mind. It turned out to be a scintillating football game. It had to be a great game to live up to the pregame performance by Tina Turner of "Proud Mary." A lousy football game would have been a real downer after that.

I thought the halftime show was terrible. I don't understand why it's necessary to have some blockbuster entertainment starring a cast of thousands. It's a football game, for heaven's sake. Football games have halftimes to give players time to dress their wounds and set their broken bones so they can play the second half, and so fans can stock up on beer and hot dogs.

One last Hawaii item. The Hawaiian language is beautiful. Words are pronounced just as they are spelled. I'm intrigued by the translation of Hawaiian words into English. Ukulele, for instance.

Portuguese sailors originally brought the ukulele to the islands. When they played it, their fingers moved so quickly over the strings that the Hawaiians said they looked like fleas jumping. There you have it, fleas jumping in Hawaiian is ukulele.

(Joe McAdoo is former chairman of the communication department at Drury University and a Springfield public relations consultant.)