Rusty Saber: Government leaves logic behind on fire hydrant issue

Joe McAdoo is former chairman of the communication department at Drury University.

When "government" and logical'' appear side-by-side what do you have? An oxymoron, of course.

The notion of logical and government going together is far-fetched. Just how far-fetched is demonstrated in a story by Associated Press writer Carl Manning.

The setting is busy Beto Junction, located near Emporia, Kan. The gist of the story is that the Coffey County Fire District No. 1 needed to install a fire hydrant.

A fire district paying for a fire hydrant sounds about as logical as a police department paying for a police car. Surely, there could be no problem. Au contraire.

A fire district official discovered the problem when he tried to use district funds to purchase a hydrant to be installed at Beto Junction, where U.S. Highway 75 intersects with Interstate 35.

Enter government. The Kansas Attorney General said the purchase would violate Kansas law.

The need is obvious. With countless trucks and cars pulling in and out of truck stops, the potential exists for a fiery accident. With no hydrant in place, water trucks would be dispatched, arriving about 15 minutes after the call (fires have a bad habit of not waiting for water trucks). The pre-hydrant fire fighting strategy: trucks dump 3,000 gallons of water on the fire, and go for more. Before proclaiming the attorney general as an evil villain, let it be known that he was properly interpreting the law.

According to the article, the law states that a hydrant is an installation, not a fire-fighting device. Nowhere in this scenario does logic raise its head.

A hose is fire-fighting equipment, the device that sends water through the hose isn't? If a fire hydrant isn't for fighting fires, what is it for? A doggie convenience station? This would be akin to authorizing the purchase of fire trucks, but forbidding the purchase of gasoline.

Apparently, a state legislator from Emporia may try to change the law to formally dub fire hydrants "fire-fighting equipment." This may be too logical.

Another news item cries out to bask in the glow of the Rusty Saber spotlight. This event occurred in Poway (I love the name), Calif.

Eight students have been arrested for fighting at the high school. One student attacked another after class; an additional seven students threatened onlookers, challenging them to fight. A real donnybrook ensued.

Had it not been for a videotape shot by a student observer, there would have been no direct evidence to separate the offenders from the victims.

Each group would probably have pointed at the other and said in unison, "It wasn't our fault, they started it." The videotape not only separated the guilty from the innocent, it led to more than punishment by school officials. It resulted in arrests. The evidence was irrefutable.

The reward for the young videographer who taped the violent incident? Oh, he was disciplined for violating school policy against bringing a video camera to school. That's right; the one who brought justice to the situation was punished. I have to say it: That's a Poway to treat the hero of this story. Who pays for fire hydrants in Poway?

I admire people who aren't afraid to let their hair down and have fun. At first glance, you might think a convention of 300 forensic pathologists, members of the National Association of Medical Examiners, would take themselves so seriously that there would be very little convention hilarity. Medical examiners explain microscopic details of violent deaths to police, judges and juries. A humorless group. Right?

At the association's Shreveport, La., convention, activities included a golf tournament, the Cadaver Open, and a 2.5 kilometer race, the Rigor Run.

To complete the fun of the Rigor Run, shouldn't there be the Mortis Tennis Tournament?

These are my kind of people! I'm ashamed of myself, but I can't help but ask, was there an award given to the convention's biggest cut-up?