Rusty Saber: Cell phones, Osbournes leave writer asking 'Why?'

Joe McAdoo is former chairman of the communication department at Drury University.

You probably wonder about things. Of course, you do. As for me, I wonder about things, and I wonder if others wonder about them.

When you see two drivers talking on cell phones, have you ever wondered if they might be talking to each other? Most Americans are so taken with cell phones that they might drive side-by-side talking to each other. They can't talk to me. I don't leave mine turned on; when I need to make a call, I pull off the road to do it.

Traffic being what it is, the last thing I need is a telephone stuck in my ear while threading my way through intersections filled with drivers running red lights. I can't help it, I see two drivers talking on cell phones and I wonder if they are talking to each other. Do you?

On the subject of traffic, have you ever wondered how enough gasoline can be produced to power all the cars on the road? I don't mean just local wall-to-wall traffic. I mean the entire world. Envision worldwide traffic: Millions of cars, traveling billions of miles, consuming gazillions of gallons of gas. Have you ever wondered how there can be enough long-dead fossils to produce that much gas? They must be piled high and deep.

While we are at it, have you ever wondered where all the cars around you in heavy traffic are going? Doesn't anyone ever stay at home? And have you ever been on Highway 65 or Highway 160 at rush hour and wondered if everyone living in Nixa and Ozark works in Springfield, and everyone who works in Nixa and Ozark lives in Springfield?

Have you ever wondered what, in the name of Jerry Springer, is the public's fascination with the Ozzy Osbourne family? MTV, that paragon of tasteful TV viewing, produced a program starring the family, the logo for dysfunctional families everywhere. On it, nothing happened. The camera followed the family members as they went about defining "dysfunctional."

Have you ever wondered why anyone with more than a single-digit IQ would spend even a nanosecond watching, much less, caring about the family? Ozzy Osbourne, the father, is a heavily tattooed, spaced out, minimally talented rock performer. His earlier claim to fame was biting off the head of a live bat during a "performance." I've always suspected the beheading of the unfortunate bat was to divert attention from the quality of his music.

It appears to me that Sharon Osbourne might be a reasonably articulate person; certainly more so than her husband. Talent wise, they are about even. But, like Ozzy, she is everywhere. Recently, she was on national television, being interviewed by Barbara Walters. It must have been a big deal; newspapers covered the program as though Barbara had interviewed a real celebrity. The most stunning thing is that Sharon has been signed to host a syndicated TV talk show. Good heavens!

Have you ever wondered why so many comedians use profanity in order to be funny? I call them "commodians" draw your own conclusions. I have watched some of their "concerts" on cable TV; however, they so totally grossed me out that I never watched one from beginning to end. But I have seen enough to know that the more filthy the talk, the more the audience laughs. I wonder why?

Not only do I wonder why people listen and laugh at language they wouldn't allow in their homes, but I wonder why gifted comedians who don't need it spew filthy junk out of their mouths in the name of humor. Bill Cosby is among the most renowned comedians around; he never resorts to profanity. He doesn't need to.

I'm out of space, and I'm not finished with my wonderings. To be continued.