Rusty lays down the law of coincidence

As a public service, this column is dedicated to shining a spotlight on the 12 Rusty Saber Laws of Perilous and Serendipitous Consequences. If you are with me so far, I have a column this week.

Law 1. At any public gathering in a park, picnic grounds, beach, wherever, there will be people playing catch with a Frisbee in close proximity to others not playing catch.

The greater the number of people disturbed by the games of catch, the greater the number of people who will be playing catch.

Law 2. If only one person among millions would be offended by a seemingly innocuous statement you make, you will make it in the presence of that person.

Law 3. If you and one other shopper in a crowded supermarket are the only ones with the same item on their shopping lists, both of you will reach the place where the item is located at precisely the same time. The law specifies that the grocery carts of each will block the access to the product by the other.

Law 4. Regardless of the size of the airliner, if only one unhappy, crying child is on board, that child will be in the seat nearest you.

Law 5. (Closely related to Law 4) If there is to be one person on an airliner with weak kidneys, that person will sit next to your seat, which will inevitably be on the aisle, and will spend more time climbing over you than he will spend sitting in his seat.

Law 6. The lighter the color of your favorite sweater, the darker will be the substance you spill on the sweater.

Law 7. If only one customer at a drive-through bank depository has several lengthy pieces of business to conduct, that person will be in front of you in the lane you select because it appeared to be the shortest.

Law 8. The number of red lights you must stop at on a given trip will be in direct proportion to the amount of time you have before being late for an appointment.

Law 9. If you want something done right, the odds of being successful will increase immeasurably if you hire someone who knows how to do it right.

Law 10. If you are certain that the law of averages mandates that it is your turn to get lucky and win the lottery, remember this law isn’t enforceable. No one has ever gone to jail for violating it.

Law 11. If at first you don’t succeed, think about it. Your plan must not be working: It’s time for a new plan.

Law 12. If you expect nothing, you will never be disappointed; however, nothing is all you will ever get, which might in the end be a disappointment.

You might ask why 12 Rusty Saber Laws of Perilous and Serendipitous Consequences. That’s easy: because there aren’t 11 or 13.

Joe McAdoo is former chairman of the communication department at Drury University.