Review: Movie provides mindless action perfect for summer

And we’ve squelched that ‘South Park’ episode about Scientology. However, your career may still self destruct in a few months…”

That’s the monologue that ran through my head at the beginning of Episode 3 in the “Mission Impossible” franchise.

I didn’t see rough-and-tumble covert agent Ethan Hunt on the screen.

I saw Scientology devotee Tom Cruise arguing with Matt Lauer that psychiatry is bunk, saying that anti-depressants and pain meds are unnecessary, and deriding Brooke Shields for her postpartum depression.

Needless to say, the chip on my shoulder in regard to “Mission: Impossible III” was a heavy piece of baggage.

That – and the fact that the “plot” of “M: I III” is as nonsensical as the previous two episodes – aside, the film is satisfying if your idea of a great movie is nonstop, cutting-edge, state-of-the-art special effects action sequences. Despite all my misgivings and my firm belief that plot, story, dialogue and character development trump techno-wizardry every time, I’ll admit the action sequences here are thrilling to watch.

Cruise returns as Impossible Missions Force (that name is so 1960s) agent Ethan Hunt.

He’s about to be married to a nurse named Julia (Michelle Monaghan), who thinks he’s a traffic control engineer. The fact that she’s a nurse is very important to the climax of the film.

During a party announcing his engagement to Julia, Ethan gets a call from the IMF.

Although he’s recently retired from active duty and is now teaching at the IMF Academy (or whatever), the Force has a job only Ethan can possibly (or impossibly) pull off.

An agent has been captured, and while the IMF’s usual routine is to “disavow,” this agent knows too much about arch-villain Owen Davian to be left twisting in the wind.

Ethan and team rescue the agent but to no avail.

Davian has implanted an explosive device up her nose, and she’s toast before she can relay any information.

The team then goes on a rogue operation – and yes it involves latex masks, explosions, helicopter chases and the tried-and-true maneuver of crawling through heating ducts.

They manage to capture Davian, but thanks to a mole in the IMF, he escapes post-haste and summarily kidnaps Julia. Holding her for ransom, Davian demands that Ethan and his IMF pals locate and return a doomsday device referred to as “the Rabbit’s Foot.” One IMF scientist espouses the theory that this device may be the legendary “Anti-God Compound,” a weapon that has come about because of technological overachievement. Should you think I jest let me say: You can’t make up stuff this silly, folks.

Ethan and company travel to Shanghai, Vatican City, Berlin and the Chesapeake Bay area.

In every location, numerous shots are fired, helicopters explode, missiles are launched and general mayhem ensues.

Not once do the local police show up. In my neighborhood, a couple of police cars came around when some rude idiot was setting off firecrackers last July.

Ethan does the mandatory “smart bungee” stunt several times in “M: I III” and he dangles from a skyscraper, has a number of gun battles, transforms his in-the-dark fiancée into an expert marksman in the span of about 10 seconds and has an explosive device shoved up his nose. Luckily he knows how to disarm it.

It’s a stunt tantamount to playing with a toaster in the bathtub.

For all of its inane structure and nonsensical plot, I have to say that the action sequences (which make up the bulk of the film’s 126-minute running time) are indeed exciting and utilize special effects technology that are up to the minute.

“Mission: Impossible III” is merely a guilty pleasure, a piece of mindless action entertainment. In short, it heralds yet another summer of a Hollywood staple.

Jim Wunderle owns Wunderle Sound Services and is a Springfield free-lance writer and musician. He can be reached at info@wunderlesound.com.