Respect applies to self as well as others

When you hear the word “respect,” most of the time you think of giving others respect. The word respect is a conceptual word. It’s hard to grasp unless you first think of specific behaviors that communicate disrespect, such as interrupting instead of listening, rolling your eyes when you disagree, ignoring someone instead of including them, or making negative comments and having closed body language.

Have you ever thought about what it means to respect yourself? As I focus on this word in September, I realize how much most of us need to improve when it comes to respecting ourselves.

A few weeks ago I wrote about being impeccable with your word – speaking kindly about yourself and watching the internal dialogue that has you beating yourself up on a daily basis. However, the kind of respect I’m talking about in this column is not so much about how we talk to ourselves but how we treat ourselves on a regular basis.

If you listen long enough you will hear how someone treats himself by the way that person uses and talks about time: I don’t have time to take lunch; I don’t have time to go on break; I don’t have time to exercise; and I’d love to take dance lessons but there aren’t enough hours in the day.

How often have you fallen for the illusion that if you just work one more 80-hour week, you will finally get caught up, or if you just skip lunch one more time then you can finally rest?

Maybe it’s time to give yourself a little respect by admitting the truth: You are never going to really be caught up. It’s up to you to set some boundaries.

I recently heard a great statement: “Sister, slow down, decompress and bounce back later.” Research shows that you have to have rest and relaxation in order to be effective, but for some reason, we refuse to acknowledge our need for rejuvenation. Maybe it’s because it’s easy to become so desensitized to our feelings that we don’t even really know when we are tired or overwhelmed. We just keep pushing through as if we are waiting for the good fairy to give us some extra time.

How do you know when you need a break? Look for the emotional signposts. Notice how many fights you are having with your kids or your spouse. See how much clutter is building up in your office. Recall how grouchy you were with a co-worker who, under normal circumstances, is only slightly irritating. Feel the resentment that wells up the next time someone asks you to volunteer. Count the times you curse your computer when it takes one more second to download e-mail.

Sensory overload is to blame for some of the exhaustion and overload you feel. Just go to Wal-Mart and count the number of people who are doing their shopping and also have their cell phone earpiece plugged into their ears. Not only is it disrespectful of everyone else who is forced to listen to one-half of somebody else’s conversation, but the callers also are not mindful of the tasks in front of them.

This constant multitasking is as addictive as any drug and just as dangerous to your health. With all the gadgets intended to help us conserve time, we are now slaves to the technology instead of its master.

If you don’t believe me, try going for one day without answering e-mail or hooking up to your cell phone. If you feel preoccupied, nervous or anxious because of all the excitement you might be missing, chances are you are addicted!

In their book, “The Power of Full Engagement,” authors Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz tell us that to be effective in life you have to manage energy, not time. In a nutshell, what you need to be more effective is rest and recreation.

Character Ed

Every month the Springfield Chamber of Commerce provides a flyer with the character word of the month. For the month of September the character word is “respect.” The definition of respect is to show consideration for the feelings and rights of yourself, others and the world around you.

However, Confucius also had a very good point: “Respect yourself, and others will respect you.”

A great way to respect yourself is to work hard, then reward yourself with some rest and some time for play.

Marlene Chism, president of ICARE Presentations in Springfield, works with companies that want to build strong business relationships and with individuals who want to be better communicators.