People Strategies: Productive networking not easy skill to master

Linda Bower is a speaker, executive coach and human performance improvement consultant in Rogersville.

The ability to network is like being able to paint a rainbow to a pot of gold. I only know this through watching others, however. One would think, with all my training and experience, that I could easily walk into a room of strangers and feel confident. It doesn't work that way. In networking situations, I'm the one who says and does the stupid things.

This week I was dragged, kicking and screaming, to an association meeting where 65 people were gathered. The topic was great; the people were great. I walked out and saw that I had a big black smudge on the right side of my nose. From past experience, I know to check my shoes for toilet paper. Why didn't I take that one last glance in the mirror?

This event was classic. I chose one of the best-dressed women in the room to yammer to about how I had to cut my fingernails to make them even. Several had broken during recent gardening duties. This was obviously a sophisticated businesswoman, professionally manicured, there to network, why would she care about my fingernails? Besides, she probably couldn't get past the smudge on my nose.

No wonder I don't want to go to networking events. They only add to my list of embarrassing moments to review nightly instead of sleeping. I relish the old Bee-Gees lyric, "I started a joke that started the whole world laughing, oh if I'd only seen that the joke was on me ... and I fell out of bed, hurting my head on things that I've said "

Before I lived in the country, I used to keep my vehicle clean; it certainly didn't overwhelm people with the smell of big wet dog. My wardrobe consisted of more than barbed-wire-ripped jeans and wrinkled shirts. My cosmetics didn't dry up before they had to be replaced. I took a shower when I didn't need to. It wasn't such a leap to go out.

Of course, anyone who knows the fear of being in groups realizes that living in the country has nothing to do with it. That's just my latest excuse.

About 11 years ago my top client was in charge of leadership education for AT&T worldwide, which had 80,000 managers at the time. After a few years of working together, he told me that I could be selling a lot more to them. That was weird enough.

Then he said that I should speak to groups. He had noticed that I only met with a few people at a time. My competitors were holding marketing events and getting positive results.

My response was simple and straightforward, "No, I can't do that." He started laughing at me because he wouldn't believe that I was afraid to speak to groups, much less just be in one. I told him about one of my early experiences speaking publicly.

On graduation day from Stephens College I delivered the senior class speech in front of 5,000 people. My shoe came off because my foot shook so hard. The next presenter waited for me while I looked for my shoe. The professors on stage were holding back giggles. I couldn't get the shoe on from all the shaking. I finally scurried off the stage trying to look like I was wearing two high-heels while hiding one in my graduation gown.

My client wasn't dissuaded. He put me through AT&T's presentation skills course and assigned an instructor to coach me afterward. It wasn't enough. There was nothing in the program to help me quell my fear; there were skills and rules. The best advice my coach gave me was to keep presenting and to "over-prepare and under-present."

So I did. I just accepted the fact that I would tremble for the first few minutes. If I can get past the initial shock of hearing my voice, I'm OK. The nervous talking is another story. I've found duct tape is useful for about any emergency.

If my client and coach hadn't pushed me to get in front of groups, I don't think I ever would have tried. Likewise, if my friends and colleagues weren't encouraging me to network, I'd never show up.

The entire path of my life would have been different if it weren't for the supportive people around me through the years. I've gotten untold treasures back from facilitating, leading and just being with groups. And they undoubtedly have had some laughs on my account.