'Paparazzi' director should keep day job

And who directed it? Why, a guy with dozens of movie credits to his name: Paul Abascal.

His movie credits, though, aren’t for directing – this is his big screen debut – they are for his work as a hair stylist.

I don’t want to offend my friends Kelli, Nancy or Bobby D. – all of whom are great hair stylists who could probably direct better than Mr. Abascal – but one usually doesn’t make the leap from the make-up department to helming a major motion picture. Unless one has coifed the likes of a Mel Gibson.

Abascal worked on all three “Lethal Weapon” movies as well as the “Die Hard” series. (What can a stylist do with Bruce Willis’ hair? Polish his head?)

Pop icon Andy Warhol, a bad hairdo dude himslef, said everyone will have their “15 minutes of fame.” He was pretty close to being right. And when someone gets famous, or infamous, he should expect the near constant presence of the paparazzi.

The term paparazzi is an Italian dialect for “buzzing insect.”

It now refers to the tabloid photographers and videographers who tail celebrities in the effort of getting a (hopefully embarrassing) snapshot or video clip.

The new meaning of the word was coined from Fellini’s 1960 classic “La Dolce Vita.” The celebrity photographer in the film was named Signor Paparazzo.

Celebrities understandably get tired of being hounded by such folk. Even tiny Icelandic waif Bjork has punched one. Princess Fergie was photographed topless, and many people believe the paparazzi had a role in the death of Princess Di.

As mentioned above, it’s a great idea for a movie. It’s just too bad the great idea is so poorly executed.

Cole Hauser, in a decidedly Mel Gibson-ish role, plays action film star Bo Laramie (even the name screams bad writing). Bo has just been catapulted to super-star status with his latest film, “Adrenaline Force.”

With his new fame comes new problems. Everyone recognizes him wherever he goes, and the paparazzi just love him. It’s when they take pictures of his wife and son that Bo starts getting a little angry. He’s a Montana boy, likes his privacy and isn’t afraid to bust a few heads.

When he punches paparazzo (the singular form of paparazzi) Rex Harper, Harper’s buddies are lurking in the background and get pictures which are soon published in the tabloids. Harper, played by Tom Sizemore at his creepiest, sleaziest best, vows to make Bo’s life a living hell, and with the help of his photographer buddies sets out to do so.

Their doggedness leads to an auto accident that sees Bo’s wife losing her spleen (the dialogue surrounding this episode is frighteningly awful) and his son in a coma.

So now it’s getting really personal.

One of the paparazzi turns up dead from a motorcycle wreck. Another gets shot by the cops when he pulls a gun – it turns out to be a movie prop – after an “anonymous tip” informs the authorities that the man is on a rampage on the freeway.

After these two deaths, Rex and the fourth member of the paparazzi crew figure that Bo might be coming for them next.

A secondary character is a detective played by Dennis Farina. Peter Falk should sue the filmmakers for flagrant plagiarism of his “Columbo” character. Farina is good in the role, but the dialogue he is given is wooden at best and embarrassing at worst. He’s not alone, though. None of the actors have much to work with in the way of eloquent effusion.

Gibson does a brief cameo as do Vince Vaughn, Matthew McConaughey and Chris Rock.

Their appearances only serve to make the film seem all the more desperate to have something to draw a crowd.

Jim Wunderle owns Wunderle Sound Services and is a Springfield free-lance writer and musician.

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