Opinion: Workplace silence screams for assistance in communication

Have you ever asked anyone at work, colleague or boss, for essential information and just did not get a response? Have you heard, “Yeah, sure, I will give you a call about that,” and your cell phone has yet to jingle? Or are you still waiting for a written appraisal following your annual performance review – your 2004 performance review?

If your answer was yes to any of these frustrating run-ins with workplace silence, the next few lines can offer you options when all you hear is … yawning, empty air.

Silence is, undoubtedly, the most popular passive-aggressive behavior stalking the hallways of our workplaces. And we use this device because it works!

When we choose silence, we get to immediately avoid the unpleasantness of giving a response we know will hack someone off. We also latch on to the false assumption, “If I say nothing, maybe it will all go away.” If you believe that, you probably are also into tooth fairies, Elvis-sightings and the imminent return of $1-a-gallon gasoline.

Silence, as a response, is a blaring siren that screams to everyone around you, “I don’t know what I am doing,” or “I am, at my core, a timid and insecure person,” or “I really loathe the ground you walk on.”

Let’s deal with both giving and receiving silence.

If you regularly respond with silence, you need to be reminded of these two assumptions. First, your integrity quotient will be in the minus column with those who regularly interact with you. There is something inherently suspect about people who consistently choose to button their lips. We want to know what these folks are hiding.

Second, the majority of people around you would rather hear “No,” “I don’t know,” or “I am not in agreement,” than nothing. Trying to second-guess people around us can be incredibly frustrating.

Here are my suggestions if you get silence from people in your workplace.

First, when you get thin air, ask, “What does the silence mean? I am not sure how to interpret a nonverbal response.” Notice that I never used “you” or “your” in that statement. I want to depersonalize the interaction and zero-in on the silence.

Second, you can take a gutsy position in the relationship by interpreting the silence for the other person by responding, “What I hear in the silence between us is … Tell me, am I correct or incorrect with my assumption?” This assertive stance will put something on the table for the two of you to discuss. There is no neutral hiding place as a result of your question.

Third, assumed agreement is a skill that will work well here. You can choose to say, “If I do not hear a response by 5 p.m. today, I will assume you are in agreement with me on this issue. If this arrangement is not agreeable, please let me know.”

The genius of assumed agreement is that there will be a decision, with or without the verbal response of the other person.

If you wait for the other person to break through the silence, we are back to the tooth fairy thing.

It is your life, your career and your future. Your silence, as a response to silence, is your worse choice today.

Cal LeMon of Executive Enrichment Inc. solves organizational problems with customized training and consulting. He can be reached at execenrichment@aol.com.