Opinion: ‘Who knew 7 a.m. could be so fun?’

I’ve never written a source’s tombstone until now.

And I never saw it coming.

It started with an audience question, the way we always close out Springfield Business Journal’s 12 People You Need to Know live interviews. Last month, I was talking with Springfield Little Theatre Executive Director Beth Domann. I quickly learned once a comedian, always a comedian. It’s in Domann’s blood.

The question rose from the back of the room:

“You strike me as someone who’s given it some thought: What will be on your tombstone?” asks Mar’Ellen Felin, SBJ’s vice president of sales and creative services.

Almost on cue, somebody whistles the Wild West tune from “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.” No joke.

Domann gives it some thought. “I’ve come up with several,” and she thinks some more.

“Screw ‘em if they can’t take a joke,” she says before spitting out a few one-liners: “What now?”

“Next.”

“That was fun.”

Then she goes on … “But you know what, life’s short. Have fun. It’s a ride, man, it’s a ride. Just grab it. Grab it and wrestle that sucker to the ground,” she says, channeling her inner Melissa McCarthy.

Domann had just answered an audience question about studying for her pilot’s license, her father’s dream for her.

I referred back and quipped, “Land wherever.” That sparked it.

“I land now,” she blurted, before realizing the tombstone question had come full circle. “That’s it! That’s it!”

The audience erupted.

“I land now.” On Beth Domann’s tombstone. You heard it here first.

Listening back to the recording, the audience sounds like a TV studio laugh track.

She told me later, “Who knew 7 a.m. could be so fun?”

Maybe there’s something to it – a comedy breakfast tour. If you need a writer, Beth, I’m not bad at writing tombstone jokes.

Prepare for the bear
Speaking of death, it might be time to hold a funeral for the current bull market.

Wall Street has been riding this bull since 2009. Markets typically cycle through every four years.

As SBJ’s 410(k) administrator, Terry Conner, tells us, the bull market has been “long in the tooth.” That’s code for “prepare to welcome the bear.”

But even at 6 years old, the bull is not tiring. The Standard & Poor’s 500 index is up 200 percent since the last bottoming out on March 9, 2009. In recent weeks, financial analysts have described the S&P 500 in terms of reaching “epic proportions” and “rarefied air.”

Here’s the proof in the pudding: consistent trading in the 1900 range.

More to chew on: The average 401(k) balance last year was an all-time high $91,300 and quarterly corporate profits recently topped $2.17 trillion, according to CNN Money. They say it’s the third-longest bull market in U.S. history.

Mutual Fund Store managing partner Conner, recently addressing our office staff, sees the market topping in anticipation of the bear. For the record, a bear market is defined by a drop of 20 percent or more from a recent peak.

With that in mind, Conner notes some of the best-performing stocks in the last 12 months are in the health care industry.

The worst? Emerging markets.

No matter what’s next, he says hold the emotion. “Plan with the end in mind,” Conner says. “Emotion is the worst enemy of an investor.”

Why? It’s like kryptonite.

Everybody knows bears and kryptonite just don’t mix.

Springfield Business Journal Editor Eric Olson can be reached at eolson@sbj.net.