Opinion: What goes around comes around in game of respect

Here are four distinct examples identifying the four levels of respect.

Level 1: Behavior

Level 1 is the behavior of respect: treating others with consideration, being polite and using manners.

A few days ago in the grocery store, an elderly gentleman with unkempt hair, weathered skin and holes in his pants sauntered down the vegetable aisle and parked his cart smack dab in the middle. The young woman behind him tried to get his attention so she could move ahead, but he didn’t see her, nor did he hear her saying, “Excuse me.”

The third time she spoke, it was obvious that he was hard of hearing. She smiled at me from the other end of the aisle and I acknowledged her dilemma with a wink and a smile.

Then the young woman lightly tapped the older man on the back and said, “Sir, I need to get through. Excuse me.” The elderly man jerked as if startled, and his face showed a sign of embarrassment as he let her through.

This young woman was an example of respectful behavior. She didn’t roll her eyes, slam her cart around, sigh or act impatient. I’m not sure how the young woman felt about the older man, but the point is this: You don’t have to like someone, know someone or even have a high regard for someone to behave respectfully toward them. You either treat someone respectfully or you don’t.

Level 2: Authority

Level 2 is respect for authority or position.

You may not like the president of the United States, but you respect the position or level of authority. You may have a boss that you view as incompetent, and therefore you do not respect his or her work product, but because you respect the position and due process, you behave respectfully at work.

It’s difficult to continue to show respect for someone who does not show respect for you. If you have a boss who has poor interpersonal skills and who says things like, “I didn’t ask you to work here; find yourself another job,” you have two choices. You can act disrespectfully, or you can continue to act respectfully because doing so represents you the way you want to represent yourself.

When you need to disagree or question authority, you follow due process, use tact and solve problems instead of acting out of spite. Once again, you do not have to like a person or agree with him to show respect. When you continue to show respect because of the level of position or authority, you are making choices based on who you are and not on how others behave.

Level 3: Emotion

At Level 3, respect comes more from an emotional attachment to the person. Regardless of the person’s position or lack thereof, you simply enjoy the company of this person and like to hang out. She laughs at your jokes, remembers your birthday and is a fun gal to be around. Then again, you wouldn’t refer her to any of your close friends or business associates. She’s always late, she’s too “out there” and she cusses like a sailor. While you respect her and have high esteem for her as a person, you simply can’t disrespect yourself by referring this person to your key contacts.

Level 4: Leadership

At Level 4, you can feel a bit splintered and confused because it’s difficult to separate Level 3 respect from Level 4 respect.

At this level, you admire the person’s accomplishments and you hold this person in esteem. You like and admire the person enough to refer him to your inner circle. In fact, at Level 4 you might even be willing to follow this person because you have seen his leadership abilities.

The person is accomplished. His work product is excellent. He has great interpersonal skills, integrity and discipline. He has paid his dues and has earned the respect of peers, associates and subordinates.

When it comes to respect there are at least four different levels. The most important thing to remember is this: No matter how you feel toward someone else, and no matter how you’re treated, you always have the choice to behave respectfully to all people.

You don’t define other people by what you think of them, but you define yourself by how you behave. When you choose to treat others with respect, you are on your way to earning respect at the highest level.

Marlene Chism is a relationship development expert, who works with companies to increase productivity and teamwork. She can be contacted through www.stopyourdrama.com.