Opinion: Voters win when political attack ads end

By then, unless the hanging chads debacle of 2000 is repeated, the results should be known, including the presidential race. The gigantic sigh will signal the end of the scourge of the American election process: negative political attack ads.

As far as I know, mudslinging has been a part of politics as long as politics have existed. Look at what happened to Julius Caesar when Brutus and some of the boys at the Forum disagreed with his politics: They killed him. Now that’s mudslinging.

There was a time in American political campaigns when the mudslinging was done live, from the mouths of candidates themselves. Radio and TV were unknown. Today the airwaves are saturated with TV and radio outlets. Most of them have been filled with wall-to-wall political ads. It’s like searching for the proverbial needle in a haystack to ferret out ads that don’t attack the opponent.

Most of these ads are remarkably similar. I’m sure different announcers do the voiceovers, but they all sound alike. All of them speak in a deadly serious manner, using a tone one would expect for an announcement that the planet Earth is on a collision course with a previously unknown planet.

With pursed lips, the narrator intones warnings about the wanton desires of the opponent: destruction of our schools; taking food out of the mouths of children; and forcing all sorts of unspeakable economic afflictions on the elderly. These are but samples of the abominable acts committed by the other side.

A photograph of the opponent used in a TV political ad will be as unflattering as possible. If an out-of-focus black-and-white photo can be found, rest assured it will be used. The script advises that, if elected, the opponent will do irreparable harm to one and all. Conversely, the candidate paying for the ad is perfect and has been known to walk on water.

As Election Day nears, the number and intensity of these ads increase. I never thought I would be relieved to see commercials for laxatives, but in comparison, they look and sound pretty good.

Truth be told, displeasing as these ads may be, they seem to work. Election postmortems often indicate that given candidates lose elections because they failed to respond to accusations made in negative ads. If this is true, voters have themselves to blame for today’s hated political ads.

With the campaign season drawing to a close, I wonder: what do the people who produce political attack ads do when there are no election campaigns?

These folks are talented and creative. But when there is no market for aggravating attack ads, I wonder what sort of stuff they crank out during political off seasons. They certainly could produce the abovementioned laxative commercials or the equally classy male enhancement commercials.

When demand for political ads is zero, I’ll bet they are the creative force behind the automobile commercials that scream at the top of their voices. Seems like a perfect fit to me.

If the political ad producers do things other than radio and TV ads in the off season, it occurs to me that their talents would be well-suited for creating public relations campaigns tricking Chicago Cubs fans into believing their team might actually one day win a World Series. It’s cruel work, but somebody has to do it.

Whatever attack ad makers do in the off-season, we will all rejoice as the towering sigh of relief is heard when the last one fades into obscurity.

Joe McAdoo is former chairman of the communication department at Drury University.