Opinion: 'The Four Agreements' teaches impeccability

Ruiz says that the first agreement is the most important of the four agreements and the hardest to keep.

At first glance, keeping the first agreement didn’t seem so difficult to me. I keep my commitments. I do what I say I’m going to do and I’m known to be honest and trustworthy.

But according to Ruiz, the definition is much broader. Unbeknownst to me, I made an assumption about what it means to be impeccable. I guess I’m not so good at the third agreement either. (The third agreement is never make an assumption.) The other two agreements are: never take anything personally and always do your best.

Being impeccable, as I understand it now, has three parts: the way you speak about yourself, what you are willing to agree with, and the way you speak about others.

Take, for example, the silent conversation you have in your head every day. When you mentally abuse yourself you say things to yourself like “you idiot …” or, “You are making a fool of yourself …” or, “What will everyone think if I fail?”

You are not being impeccable because you are not acting in your best interests.

Another example is when you compare yourself. More often than not, the loser is you. “He has a bigger house,” or, “She is better at sales,” and, “They have a better family.” In the silent conversation, whether through discounting or comparisons, you betray yourself and act against your own best interests.

So, how do you make sure you become impeccable on this first part? Shakespeare said it this way, “To thine own self be true…” However my friend Sue Janick said it another way when she recently won a Toastmasters speech contest:

“We all remember 9-11 and we worry about terrorism in our nation. We all want peace on earth, but most of us do not realize that every day we live among terrorists. The terrorist is the voice inside your own head that speaks to you daily and says things like, ‘You are so stupid … you are not worthy,’ or, ‘You should have done this instead of that,’ and, ‘You will never be a success.’”

Here’s the trickiest part of being impeccable: Don’t agree with someone else’s negative point of view.

For example, someone tells you your idea is no good and you believe them. Now instead of pursuing your idea or tweaking it to make it workable, you lose your passion.

Just recently I was able to turn a situation around when I was sharing a business concept with a trusted friend who is also an experienced business professional. The friend started talking about how difficult it would be to materialize the idea, how others might not understand the concept and how there was a financial risk and it might take a long time. I silently said to myself, “I do not agree. This is one reality and mine is different.” Saying this affirmation to myself kept me from falling into a collective agreement about how things are supposed to be. As a result, the business idea materialized in two days, and there was a nice profit.

With that said, I want to be careful not to criticize my friend for having a different reality than me, because it’s also important to have a high regard for others if you want to be impeccable with your word.

Words have power and magic in them. Words have the power to harm or the power to heal. Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me … and you.

Marlene Chism, president of ICARE Presentations in Springfield, works with companies that want to build strong business relationships and with individuals who want to be better communicators.