Opinion: Tardiness reflects negatively upon character

—French proverb

In August, my husband and I were contestants on the “Not-So-Newlywed Game,” which is a fund raiser for the Ozarks Counseling Center. We tied for first! In an effort to perform mental gymnastics for the big game, we bought the Newlywed Game board game and practiced.

I will tell you that none (nada, zip, zero) of those questions were asked on stage at the Landers! They did however, bring up my husband’s pet peeve about me. The question was: “What bugs you about your spouse?” His answer: “She’s a time crank. She’s always looking at her watch and is always afraid she’s going to be late.”

It was not always thus. I spent the first 35 years of my life being late to everything. My parents worried that it would be the ruin of me. It was mentioned in performance reviews. It kept me in a state of continual upheaval.

Because I was living in Los Angeles, I usually used “traffic” as an excuse. The truth was that I was tired all the time. I just couldn’t seem to get out of bed and to my destination. I was trying to pursue an acting career and be a sales representative at the same time.

Then something happened that began my turnaround. One of my best friends was working in an office (I was out in the field) and we were supposed to meet at a restaurant. As always, I didn’t give myself enough time. As bad luck would have it, an accident on the freeway held me up even more. When I arrived, she had left. She also left me a note, which made me finally realize the effect my lateness was having on others.

She had a very limited time for lunch and she had gone to some trouble to meet me. Not only did she miss lunch, I caused her to be late back to her office. When I called her from the restaurant, I heard one thing – hurt.

Finally, after 35 years, I got the message: Not only did my being late foul up plans, delay meetings and generally make me look like a flake, it hurt others. By not respecting their time, I gave a clear message that their time was not as important as mine.

There is a happy ending. Eight years later, my maid of honor held a bridal shower for me with 20 guests. As a joke, my parents recorded a very funny tape about dragging me out of bed over the years. The only people who laughed were my friend Anne, who has known me since high school, and me.

I heard comments like: “You’re not late.” “Why is that funny?” “You’re always on time.”

I felt as though my turnaround was complete.

Unfortunately, being late is rampant in the business world. A mortgage lender says she will call back with rates within 24 hours and doesn’t. Doctors run late and you cool your heels in the waiting room. Friends expected for dinner come late, almost ruining the main course. Vendors call from the highway saying they are running late.

One of the main culprits in the late game is the cell phone. Somehow, it became part of the new etiquette that it was OK to be late if you called on your cell phone. Au contraire. Yes, you should call if you are running late, but not every time.

The following may help your late behavior:

• Use empathy. How does being late affect the other person? How will my behavior affect my business relationship with this person? What does my tardiness say about my respect (or lack of it) for the other person?

• Give yourself a cushion of time. A friend always has a magazine in the car. It’s her goal to be a half an hour early to every occasion. It she’s too early, she just sits in the car and happily reads. If she does run into heavy traffic, she’s right on time.

• Trick yourself. When I was in acting, you had to be at an audition or you missed it. I used to trick myself by writing in an earlier time into my appointment book. If my audition was at 10 a.m., I wrote 9 a.m.

• Schedule your travel time. Instead of just writing in a 10 a.m. appointment, write in the whole amount: 9:30-10 a.m. travel, 10-11 a.m. meeting. Most anxiety on this score is due to unrealistic expectations. We lie to ourselves thinking that we can get from the north side of Springfield to the south in 15 minutes.

• Do a dry run for important appointments. I recommend this for urgent meetings such as business presentations and job interviews. Find out exactly where your destination is located. Getting lost is never a good excuse. And don’t trust online map services.

• Don’t over-schedule yourself. This is the biggest fault of tardy types. They think that they can do everything and they can’t. Be willing to say “no.”

• Do call. If you are running late, make a call but don’t make it a habit. This should be done rarely.

• Cancel at least 24 hours in advance. Unless you are contagious, try to keep your appointments.

Remember that being late is a reflection upon your character. It is one of the factors by which you are judged. You may not think this is fair, but it is a reality.

The key to being on time is planning.

Plan ahead.

Sinara Stull O’Donnell is a professional speaker and writer through Springfield-based SinaraSpeaks. She is the author of “Be The Star Of Your Life: Are You Ready For Your Close-Up?”