Opinion: Slow down to become more courteous

He used the extra 15 seconds that he “saved” by punching the button three times before she arrived to follow him into the elevator.

The character word for the month is “courtesy.” The definition: To be polite and considerate, to act with manners, and to be generous and helpful with others.

This definition leads me to conclude that there are actually two parts to being courteous: Being polite and being helpful.

The man in a hurry for the elevator was neither polite nor helpful. He sacrificed courtesy for his need to hurry. At some time or other, most of us will sacrifice courtesy because other intentions and habits compete for our attention to courtesy.

For example, the “intention” of saving time creates a “habit” of multitasking. It’s common to see someone talking on their cell phone in public, disrupting everyone else, rather than waiting until they are in the privacy of their car. Obviously, there is no conscious intention to be inconsiderate: Multitasking has become an accepted habit that flows from an expectation to get more done in less time. Yet trying to save time often means risking courtesy.

For example, when you answer e-mails while talking on the phone, you risk appearing rude and disconnected. While you furiously clack at your computer keyboard and intermittently insert a few “uh-huhs” to prove that you are really listening, the person on the line cringes from the discomfort of knowing your dirty little secret … you are trading courtesy for your habit of multitasking.

You get the point. Lack of courtesy shows up in a multitude of ways: rushing to beat someone else to the elevator, multitasking while on the phone and aggravation about someone else’s slow driving, slow walking or anything else that creates a sense of urgency or impatience.

Slowing down is a good way to become more courteous. It takes about two minutes to wait through another stoplight instead of running the red light. If you say “please” and “thank you” several times a day it might cost you another 60 seconds. If you quit interrupting every time you want to get to the bottom line of the conversation, it might take up another four minutes. If you don’t answer e-mail the next three times you are on the phone, it may cost you another three minutes. All of this adds up to about 10 minutes a day.

However, being polite and mannerly is only the first level of courtesy. Being helpful, the second level of courtesy, is what turns courtesy into customer service.

In business, if you are polite but still don’t solve the problem, then you are perceived as nice but clueless. It is possible to be courteous yet fail to make any difference whatsoever. Let me illustrate this point.

Last month while in Las Vegas I was dining with a business associate, and because the portions were so large, we decided to share the meal. I asked the waiter to split the meal on two plates. The waiter politely told us that this request would add another 45 minutes to our wait because it would “confuse the new chef.” (How much trouble is it to put one order on two plates?)

He was polite when he explained the difficulty of the request, but in the length of time it took him to make the defense, he could have cut that baked potato in half and put it on another plate! As polite as an excuse can be, the justification doesn’t answer the request. You can say, “It’s not my job” in the most loving and melodic tone of voice, but that kind of courtesy does little to solve a customer’s problem. When you practice being courteous in the privacy of your home, it becomes easier in public and in the business world.

Being courteous at home means more than polite manners and the self-discipline to let someone finish his sentence without rolling your eyes, making a snide remark or interrupting. It also means considering the needs of others around you.

When the trash is full, take it out instead of waiting to be asked. If you are going to the store, ask your spouse if you can pick something up for him or her.

Being courteous in public means holding the elevator door open for the person behind you, opening the door for the person beside you, keeping your cell phone off at meetings and avoiding sidebar conversations while a speaker is talking.

Being courteous at work and in business means all of the above – plus being helpful and solving a problem.

Marlene Chism, president of ICARE Presentations in Springfield, works with companies that want to build strong business relationships and with individuals who want to be better communicators. She can be reached via her Web site, www.icarepresentations.com, or at marlene@icarepresentations.com.[[In-content Ad]]