Opinion: Self-discipline acts as its own reward in business

Self-discipline registers in my mind as making yourself do something you don’t want to do, or restraining yourself from doing something you want to do. Then it dawned on me: for any accomplishment that requires self-discipline, there’s always a reward for your discipline – and punishment for the lack thereof. Therein lies the motivation to persevere.

I have often suffered through the actual writing process, but once it is finished I have never regretted having done so. Regardless of whether we have self-discipline, we are doomed to suffer.

Jim Rohn, the famous business philosopher said, “We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.”

However, the dictionary definitions of discipline cite training, control, rule and authority. With both of these thoughts in mind, (suffering and training) I believe that one of the most needed areas for self-discipline is in the area of listening.

Listening to others requires discipline – in other words, a measure of training and suffering. If you don’t believe me, try for only one day to observe your habits. If you can get your friends or associates to agree, try recording several conversations during the course of a day and you will be amazed at the amount of time you spend interrupting, giving advice, overpowering the conversation, or jumping back to your favorite subject: yourself, your hang ups, your successes, your habits, your observations, your truths, your ideas and your desires.

If it’s not possible to record yourself, try for one full day to only focus on what the other person is interested in. Only speak when you are able to ask an open-ended question, or when it is appropriate to say, “that’s interesting” or “tell me more.” Avoid at all costs the tendency to jump in, give advice, interject a long story or look at your Blackberry and yawn.

You will find that it takes lots of discipline (control) just to be silent and present long enough to really hear what someone else is saying. If you survive either one of these experiments, believe me when I say you will suffer – either from boredom, lack of stimulation, or from judging yourself too harshly.

For many people, silence is uncomfortable. Anyone in sales knows that the space of time between asking for the sale and waiting for the answer is agonizing. Two seconds can seem like an hour.

However, silence is also quite powerful. If it weren’t so, why do so many people use “the silent treatment” to manipulate and control? Manipulation and ill intentions aside, silence can give you a measure of control when confronted with a heated conflict. However it does take discipline (training) to learn how to listen and be quiet when you disagree.

Silence can be soothing, such as when a friend talks about a tragedy and needs you to listen. Yet, being silent when a friend is in pain is difficult.

The natural tendency is to say, “I know how you feel,” or “If I were you …” or “When the same thing happened to me …” instead of simply saying, “I’m so sorry” or “I’m here for you.”

In order to listen you have to first discipline yourself to make friends with silence, but the rewards are worth it. Listening affects your life as a parent, a spouse, a boss, a co-worker and a friend.

Once you become trained (disciplined) at listening, your perceptions will change and the rewards will come. All of a sudden it is as though you have insights and intuition never before given to you. You will be able to hear who has discipline and who does not. You will hear variations of “I would, but I don’t have the time,” which is an example of “victim language,” which is not taking full responsibility for the choices available.

In contrast, you will hear a more responsible person say, “I have other priorities right now, so I won’t be able to” join the committee, come to the party or do any other number of things that others normally blame on time. The disciplined (trained) person knows how to set boundaries instead of making excuses about time.

Now for the rewards: Would you be able to use this knowledge if you were hiring a new employee or selecting people for a committee? Of course you would. The more responsible the language, the better chances that you have hired a responsible employee or dependable committee member. Can you use the power of listening to become more intuitive? Absolutely. You would start to see the connection of how words manifest into reality.

Louise Hay has a wonderful book titled “You Can Heal Your Life,” and in the book is a chapter that explains physical problems with mental and emotional connections. When someone says they are “sick and tired” it’s just a matter of time before they are calling in to work from being, you guessed it, “sick and tired.”

Whether you believe there is any correlation or not, the point here is that by learning to listen, you can start to become aware of these connections and the role they play in your life and relationships. Ask some of your friends or associates in your life help you to discover some of your hidden thought patterns. If you are disciplined enough to take the challenge, let me know the results.

Marlene Chism, president of ICARE Presentations in Springfield, works with companies that want to build strong business relationships and with individuals who want to be better communicators. She can be reached via her Web site, www.icarepresentations.com, or at marlene@icarepresentations.com.[[In-content Ad]]