Opinion: Rethinking conflict: A leadership advantage

Marlene Chism

In many workplaces, conflict is seen as a problem to avoid. But conflict itself is never the real issue. The real issue is mismanagement. Three primary ways leaders mismanage is by avoiding, appeasing and aggression. Avoiders know they avoid. Appeasers try to soften conflict by telling others what they want to hear, not what they need to hear. Aggressors simply don’t have the skills or bandwidth to manage their emotions so they lash out, and justify it by saying, “The buck stops here,” and, “That’s just the way I am.”

Mismanagement of conflict often stems from unspoken mindsets, coping mechanisms and unconscious habits. The first shift we can make regarding conflict is to change the way we see conflict. When reinterpreted and reframed, conflict offers a powerful opportunity for leadership development. It can strengthen relationships, reveal blind spots and create conditions for growth. Here are four ways conflict, when properly managed, becomes an advantage instead of a liability.

1. Conflict is an opportunity to channel anger. Unresolved conflict often triggers anger, and unchecked anger hijacks your ability to think strategically. When leaders are blindsided or overwhelmed, they may lash out or shut down – missing the chance to address issues at their core.

Instead of acting on impulse, use anger as a signal. I often say that anger is just energy that wants to go somewhere. With a conscious mindset you can decide where anger goes and give direction to your anger. When you pause and reflect, you gain clarity on what needs to change and how to respond with purpose rather than reactivity.

Strategic questions to consider:

• What boundary has been crossed?
• What expectation hasn’t been met?
• What reaction do I want to improve next time?

2. Unresolved conflict exposes the pattern. One of the most overlooked benefits of unresolved conflict is how it highlights dysfunction through repetition. Leaders often say things like, “I’ve told them a hundred times,” or “They keep missing deadlines despite my support.” These aren’t just complaints; they’re signals of unresolved issues.

Repeating patterns often indicate a lack of accountability, unclear expectations or reluctance to make tough decisions. Leaders may fear being short-staffed or being labeled unfair, so they tolerate behaviors that ultimately cost more in time, morale and productivity.

Strategic questions to consider:

• What keeps happening that shouldn’t?
• What is this conflict trying to show me?
• What courageous conversation am I avoiding?

3. Conflict clarifies priorities. When conflict escalates, it’s easy to lose sight of what really matters, including organizational values and priorities. Instead of focusing on results or collaboration, conversations become about proving a point, defending an ego or assigning blame. Addressing conflict head on offers the chance to go from chaos to clarity.

Strategic questions to consider: 

• Are our conversations outcome-focused or ego-driven?
• Where have lower priorities replaced higher ones?
• How can I restore clarity and direction?

4. Addressing conflict fuels growth. Conflict challenges you to grow in real time. The truth is, everyone knows the answer in the workshop and knowing something is dramatically different than doing something.

Reading a book or attending a training might offer new knowledge and insight, but real development happens in the moment, when you’re frustrated, uncertain or triggered.

This is what I call the inner game of leadership: emotional regulation, courage and personal responsibility. There are no awards or degrees for it, but leaders who invest in this inner work are more resilient, trustworthy and effective.

 Strategic questions to consider:

• Where am I blaming instead of taking responsibility?
• Where do I have knowledge but lack application?
• Could I mentor others through their own conflict challenges?

Conflict is inevitable in any workplace, but suffering from unresolved conflict is optional. When you shift your mindset from avoiding conflict to learning from it, you increase both leadership clarity and conflict capacity. The conversations in the workplace will change, and when you change the conversation, you change the culture.

Marlene Chism is a Springfield-based consultant and author of “From Conflict to Courage: How to Stop Avoiding and Start Leading.” She can be reached at marlene@marlenechism.com.