Opinion: Responsible actions depend on choices made

Sensing this impending disaster, Danny did his best to negotiate his way out of it.

“Jeff was doing it, too,” Danny said, pleading for mercy.

Danny’s reasoning was that Jeff was at least partly responsible for his behavior. However, Danny’s mom would have none of it.

“If Jeff stuck his head in a toilet, would you do that, too?” Danny’s mom screamed.

Without giving Danny a chance to answer, the belt came off and the spanking commenced.

It was obvious to us kids that the “toilet question” was more a statement made for emphasis than a question to be considered.

This childhood memory brings me to the Character Ed word of the month, Responsible. The definition given is this: To follow through with your commitments, to be reliable, and to use good judgment in making decisions.

Bad decisions lead to unwanted results. As children, we sometimes learn about responsibility the hard way: by facing the consequences of our actions in the form of punishment. This punishment is a reminder that we had better think for ourselves and make our choices based on what is best for us, rather than on what someone else is doing.

As adults, we continue to learn about the impact of responsibility through the eventual consequences of our choices. Whether it’s driving 20 miles over the speed limit, overworking, losing your temper or living above your means, all of these behaviors, as well as good and bad judgment, have consequences.

You ignore the speed limit and you have a wreck or get a ticket.

You don’t get enough rest and you catch a cold.

You treat your employees badly and you have high turnover.

You keep using your credit card and your debt gets out of control.

The speeding wasn’t a conscious choice; you were just following what everyone else was doing.

You didn’t mean to stay up too late; you’ve just gotten into some bad habits.

You aren’t really a bad boss; you just don’t know how to handle stress.

And you really needed those new golf clubs, because they were on sale.

What you’re really saying – or trying to say – is “I didn’t have a choice.” But even if it’s not a conscious decision, the choice is there all along.

You can slow down or put the car on cruise at the legal limit.

You can shut off the television an hour early or say no to that committee work that’s keeping you up nights.

You can start being nice to your employees or develop a new system to hire and train staff.

And, you can reward yourself with new golf clubs after you get your credit cards paid off.

Responsibility is the recognition of choice. We adults often relinquish responsibility by failing to recognize all the choices available to us.

Until you recognize that you have choices, you will not act responsibly. Instead you will remain stuck in reactive mode, repeating patterns that will reap unwanted consequences, blaming “Jeff” for your choices when you see “the belt” coming your way.

Every moment offers a new opportunity to choose, and every choice is either a reactive unconscious choice based on past patterns or a conscious choice grounded in personal responsibility.

It’s up to you.

Marlene Chism, president of ICARE Presentations in Springfield, works with companies that want to build strong business relationships and with individuals who want to be better communicators.