Opinion: Opinion of Donald Trump's hair determines cool factor

You might hear this if your time is spent in a less-than-productive way. Let’s just say you buy more potato chips than you can possibly eat because you search every package looking for chips with markings on them that you believe resemble U.S. presidents, and you are giddy with excitement about each new chip that you contend looks like President Chester A. Arthur. Trust me, someone will, or should, say you probably need to get a life.

As a public service, the Rusty Saber is pleased to present ways to know when you need to get a life. You need to get a life if:

• You can recite from memory the 2007 first-round draft choices of each National Football League team.

• You actually gave thought to who might be the biological father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby.

• You think Donald Trump’s hair style is sort of cool.

• Your idea of living life on the cutting edge is to stay awake through the 10 p.m. news.

• You wear a WWOD bracelet, meaning, What Would Oprah Do.

• You were so incensed that you threw a shoe at your TV set because Simon Cowell on “American Idol” unduly insulted your favorite contestant.

• When asked how you are doing, you go into specific detail describing exactly how and what you are doing and how long you have been doing it.

• You have a weekly standing order with a pizza store, and you run a weekly tab with the delivery guy to cut out the nightly phone calls to order.

• Your knowledge of the criminal justice system comes directly from “Judge Judy.”

• You watch so much “Jeopardy” that you have begun to answer questions put to you in the form of questions. For example, when asked, “Do you have the time?” you respond, “What is 12:15?”

• You find yourself longing for basketball season to begin because you miss the voice of commentator Dick Vitale.

• You’ve signed up for the No Call List and now miss the nightly chats with telemarketers.

• You take it personally when your favorite “Survivor” contestant is voted off the island.

• You camp out in front of a computer game store all night to be first in line to buy the latest edition of the John Madden football game.

• You are frantically wringing your hands because you haven’t decided which candidate to vote for in the 2008 Presidential election, which is more than 17 months away.

• You read that there is a lack of good heavyweight boxing contenders, and you are seriously consider buying some boxing gloves and getting into the ring.

• You really miss Rosie O’Donnell because she brought so much class to TV.

• Your definition of a closed-minded person is one having an opinion different from yours.

• You have saved every Rusty Saber column since it began in 1983. Oops, could it be that I need to get a life?

Joe McAdoo is former chairman of the communication department at Drury University.