Opinion: 'No solicitation' signage attracts salespeople

Of course, I’m just poking fun about prostitutes. Businesses use No Solicitation signs to run off something far worse than prostitutes. They post them to thwart salespeople. Being a salesperson myself, I thought I’d investigate.

To write this, I undertook a process called “research,” meaning I dropped by some businesses and asked about their No Solicitation signs.

“Why,” I inquired, “do you post such a sign on your door?” Interestingly, several employees did not know, though they were mildly annoyed when I asked them if any hookers came around.

On one occasion, the receptionist advised me that a No Solicitation sign on the door was a way for management to bar anarchists who sought to form a “union.” I asked a manager if this was true. Jabbing her finger at the sign on the door she ordered me to leave the building. I suspect she wore a garlic necklace.

By chance, I happened past a law firm, the kind of place I avoid entering if at all possible. It, too, posted the inevitable No Solicitation sign. Long ago, writers such as Charles Dickens and Mark Twain called lawyers “solicitors.” Though I loathe associating with them, I forced myself to enter. This was, after all, research.

“May I speak to a solicitor?” I intoned.

The receptionist looked hard at me, like I voted Democrat.

“Which one?” she smirked. “We have 10, uh, solicitors in our practice.”

“Look,” I smirked back. “The sign on your door says No Solicitation. Yet, you’re allowing your solicitors to solicit here. By all appearances, you are in violation of your own policy and maybe even,” I chided, “breaking some law.”

“One moment,” she mumbled, suspiciously eyeing me as she exited the room.

Shortly, a pensive-looking fellow strode out.

“What is it you want?” he probed, never offering to shake my hand.

“Is there,” I said, “a law that prohibits me from soliciting you? According to the sign on your door, I should refrain from soliciting here. What, in a legal sense, does this mean?”

“It means,” he bullied, “you’re not permitted to attempt to sell anyone within the confines of this building, and if you try, I’ll have you evicted. In fact, I’ve decided on another course of action. I’m ordering you to leave now. If you don’t, I’ll call the police and have you arrested for trespassing.”

“I guess I overlooked your No Trespassing sign!” I chortled. “Besides, I haven’t tried to sell you anything. Why are you throwing me out? What have I done?”

“You’ve upset our receptionist,” the lawyer indignantly replied, “and you’ve wasted my valuable time.”

Bingo!

No Solicitation signs exist because people are too busy to handle interruptions from an unexpected source, for example, salespeople without appointments!

So, salespeople should set appointments before barging, unannounced, into places with No Solicitation signs. This simple solution solves everything … except it won’t work because genuine salespeople don’t even see the No Solicitation signs. Heck, most of us are barely literate; but believe me, we succinctly understand what it takes to make a living.

Signs on doors will never stop us from calling on your business. In fact, many salespeople respond to No Solicitation signs like bulls react to red capes. It attracts us.

Salespeople make above-average money. Importantly, they blow all of it, buying things that you may sell. Sales executives are the fourth best-paid workers behind doctors, lawyers and, of course, plumbers, who make more than all the rest.

Also note, some salespeople are turned off by No Solicitation signs and don’t shop businesses displaying them.

Keeping salespeople out of your business is like corralling cats. It can’t be done.

Salespeople are like obnoxious bugs flitting around, but instead of collecting pollen, we cross-pollinate knowledge and ideas. So, instead of throwing me out, next time ask me to dig up some answers for you. Challenge me to get answers to questions you have. Even if your problem can’t be solved by my product, I still want to help you fix it.

Why? Maybe you’ll start to like me and we can do some business in the future.

I rather enjoy selling, and don’t think I’d be happy in plumbing.

Bob May is former managing partner of five local radio properties and is now engaged in publishing large-print phone directories in about 50 small towns in southwest Missouri.