Opinion: Living honestly mirrors individual character

It has been my observation that if we were honest, we might admit that most of us have a hard time being honest and we are a bit scared of those who are.

Politicians, movie stars, writers and other famous people in history have made philosophical statements about honesty. For example, Benjamin Franklin said that honesty is the best policy. Mark Twain added, “when money is in it,” and Richard Whately, a logician and archbishop of Dublin in the 20th century said, “Honesty is the best policy; but he who is governed by that maxim is not an honest man.”

The definition of honesty is to tell the truth, to be fair and straightforward, and to lead a life of honor and dignity. If we all practiced the virtue of honesty within that definition, then honesty would serve us all.

If upon reading this definition you are patting yourself on the back, let me play devil’s advocate and introduce some new thoughts about what honesty is not, and see if any of these strike a chord.

Honesty is not a hammer that you use to tell someone off or get revenge. Honesty is not a billboard to advertise all of your flaws nor is it a stage to flaunt your knowledge and power. Honesty is not an excuse for poor customer service or a justification for poor problem-solving skills. Honesty is not a dump truck to unload your troubles on your listener. Honesty is not a means to force your opinions on other people, hurt their feelings or manipulate them to your way of thinking. And honesty is not a measuring stick used to point out someone else’s shortcomings.

If this list didn’t make you feel the heat, examine your own behavior, or motivate you to look inward, see if you recognize any of the patterns below.

Much of the time we tell little white lies to save someone’s feelings only to have it backfire later. We pretend to be OK with something that we find offensive so as not to rock the boat. We keep our mouths shut until we can stand it no longer, and then we explode with a venomous honesty that keeps people at arm’s length.

We tell the salesperson to call back next week because we don’t want to hurt his feelings, and when he does call back we tell him it’s “not in our budget,” or “the committee said no.”

The fired employee is told “we are just moving in another direction” instead of telling him his work didn’t measure up.

We call in sick just to have another day off with pay.

We look in the mirror and say to ourselves, “of course you don’t look fat in that outfit” and we say “one more helping won’t hurt” and “I’ll start my diet tomorrow.”

We agree with those who claim that looks, money and size really don’t matter, even though we secretly want to look better, have more money or be a different size. We tell others that we are not a “respecter of persons,” we value diversity, and we treat all people the same.

We tell others that the reason we are behind on a project is because we are so busy instead of admitting that we are just unorganized, overwhelmed and haven’t learned how to say “no.”

We claim that we didn’t care about the promotion and that we are really happy for our friend who got it instead of us. We compliment someone so that they will like us, or buy from us, or do us a favor. The list is endless and is a reminder of learning as a lifelong process.

To live honestly in the purest sense of the word may be more of a journey than a destination, and the first step is awareness and introspection. The way we apply honesty in our lives is a mirror to our character.

Derived from the Greek, the word character has come to mean the constellation of strengths and weaknesses that form and reveal who we are. Honesty that is absent of the other character traits such as courtesy, kindness, integrity and self-discipline can be toxic.

Honesty is so potent and powerful that it should be delivered in small consistent doses coupled with other character virtues such as responsibility, kindness and integrity.

Marlene Chism, president of ICARE Presentations in Springfield, works with companies that want to build strong business relationships and with individuals who want to be better communicators.

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