Opinion: Learn to trust yourself before others

Your prospect acted interested but then wouldn’t take your follow-up call. Your biggest client raved about your services last year but chose someone else this year. You thought you had the promotion sewed up, but your company hired an outsider. They told you the check was “in the mail” for the third time and that was two months ago.

I always say business is a lot like dating: They either want you or they don’t, sometimes you get mixed messages, and it’s more important that you trust you, than it is that you trust them.

The character word for this month is “trustworthy.”

The definition is “to be reliable, to follow through with your responsibilities, and to act in a way that will inspire others to believe in you.” I think it’s just as important to trust and inspire yourself so that YOU can believe in you.

Here are some questions to see how much you trust yourself.

Do you trust that you can make the sale? Do you trust yourself when dealing with a negative co-worker or dissatisfied customer? Do you trust yourself enough to take the risk of rejection? Do you trust that you can deal with the disappointments that are guaranteed on the journey?

When you trust yourself, you are willing to take full responsibility for the outcome of any situation. You are not willing to stick your head in the sand, point fingers or allow anyone else to have final authority of your thoughts, feelings, health or welfare.

I came to this understanding while traveling by airplane on my way to a speaking engagement in Seattle. My friend Michele decided to accompany me so that we could spend a few extra days vacationing. Michele and I took our seats on the plane, and we introduced ourselves to the woman sitting in the aisle seat. Right before take off, the flight attendant asked Michele, who was seated by the emergency exit, if she would agree in the case of an emergency, to kick out the exit door and assist the fellow passengers out of the plane. Michele said “yes,” then laughingly turned to the other woman and me, and said, “Do you two trust me with your life?”

Although I knew Michele was joking, the other woman answered thoughtfully and deliberately: “No, but I trust me.”

I reflected on this conversation several times and realized that when you have a high level of trust for yourself, you won’t make your decisions based on what other people will or will not do, or on what others should or should not do. You base your decisions on what you need to do. That kind of attitude takes you out of the negative patterns of resentment and blame.

One way to build trust with yourself is to act consistently in your best interests.

When you allow others to hurt you or make decisions that are not in your best interests, you betray yourself and eventually lose trust for yourself. When you sacrifice yourself in an effort to be humble or to avoid conflict, you simply trade the external conflict for an internal conflict.

Conversely, when you politely but firmly speak up when someone has done you wrong, you learn to trust that you will take care of yourself in a respectable manner. When you hold others accountable for their actions and make decisions that work in your best interests, you build a solid foundation of trust for yourself.

Building a foundation of love and trust for yourself ensures that your relationships will stand the test of time. You can only honor others to the degree that you honor yourself, and you can only trust others when you trust yourself. You cannot be called trustworthy if you constantly betray yourself.

Developing trust for yourself is another way to show respect for yourself. It is respectful to set boundaries in relationships and to demand higher standards as to how you want to be treated.

Only a person with a high level of self-trust can ask for what she wants and face the possibility of a refusal. Only a person with a high level of self-trust is strong enough to share vulnerable feelings and risk possible rejection. Only a person with a high level of trust can start a business and deal with the risk of failure.

Trusting yourself means you are willing to step up to the plate every day, delivering on promises, being on time, and acting with integrity, with yourself and others. The neat thing about learning to trust yourself is this: You don’t need to “trust” the person who has the power to say “yes” or “no” to you, and you never need to be disappointed in someone else because of their weaknesses, because you can deal with it.

Marlene Chism, president of ICARE Presentations in Springfield, works with companies that want to build strong business relationships and with individuals who want to be better communicators. She can be reached via her Web site, www.icarepresentations.com, or at marlene@icarepresentations.com.