I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. Could you repeat that?
No, you weren’t listening. Further, you need to understand why you didn’t listen.
Reality: You quit paying attention for one reason or another, and you blame it on the person talking to you. Two rudes don’t make a right.
How do you listen? That’s both a question and an enigma. Listening is one of the big three in selling; the other two are asking (engaging) and being friendly.
If you ask most salespeople, they would admit that listening is their weakest quality. In part this is due to impatience, but mostly because they don’t know how. Or even deeper, they don’t know the components or factors that make up the “why” of listening.
To complicate the listening process even further, there are manners in which people listen - no, not “please pass the salt” manners - attitude and mood manners. These manners can affect the listening competence level by more than half.
There are 3.5 opposite sets of manners of listening.
1. Active or passive
2. Positive or negative
3. Open or closed
3.5. Distracted by other business or personal matters, or not distracted
You can almost get the feeling and meaning of these manners without me explaining them.
Listening is also broken down into elements, each representing a “why.” I have added some additional description to clarify each element and defined a few.
The good elements of listening are intending to understand, take action, learn, enjoy and remember.
Who you’re listening to can have a huge impact on the quality of your listening. Your mother, your boss, your spouse, your kids, your best friend, your favorite celebrity, someone you like or someone you dislike all can affect the outcome of your listening ability. It’s their words, your mood and your level of respect that make up the listening effectiveness model.
Here are some bad elements of listening.
Listening with the intent to respond. This is where interruptions occur. You have something to say or think you already know the answer. You start responding before the other person has finished talking. The first “listen” should be: listen with the intent to understand. Then you can respond with the full knowledge of what has been communicated.
Cure: Just ask the person if they have finished their thought before you respond.
Listening with the intent to figure out an angle (manipulate). This occurs when interacting with a customer during a selling situation.
Listening because you have to obey (or try to worm out of it). Parents, teachers and bosses top the list.
Listening because you are forced to. Your boss, teacher or parents are yelling at or disciplining you.
Listening with the intent not to pay attention. You’ve tuned off because of your unhappiness or ill feeling toward the person speaking.
Listening with the intent to argue. Whenever you’re in an argument or fight, listening is overpowered by anger and negativity.
There is also the ever-popular pretending to listen. You have other things on your mind that are more powerful than what is being said, so you tune out whoever is speaking.
Telltale signs of not listening? Asking people to repeat. Getting instructions wrong. Making mistakes on the job. Getting rejected.
Have you ever heard someone say, “Now everybody listen up, this is important.” What does that mean? It means that without that preface to whatever is being said next, the odds are that very few, if any, are paying attention to the person speaking.
The three best states to be in when listening are when you’re calm, happy or willing. These are ear-opening states.
Here’s a final secret. I know all of you are looking for the silver bullet that will make you an instant better listener. I’ve got it for you. Two words, and they’re not “shut up.”
The secret words and action of listening are “take notes.” When you take notes, you show respect, always “hear” and have a reference to help you remember what was said or promised.
Jeffrey Gitomer, author of “The Little Red Book of Selling” and 11 other titles, is president of Charlotte, N.C.-based Buy Gitomer. He gives seminars, runs annual sales meetings and conducts Internet training programs on sales and customer service at Gitomer.com. He can be reached at salesman@gitomer.com.
