Opinion: Kudos go a long way in building morale

Recently, I was in a meeting where one employee waxed eloquently about something that a co-worker had done. This seemingly small action had shaved off time in the learning curve and literally made her work easier.

The boss didn’t react. In a room of about 20 people, all listened quietly. When the little speech ended the manager did not acknowledge what had been said and certainly did not give a verbal pat on the back.

During the co-worker’s recital, the complimented one beamed. It was heartwarming to see someone just glow. When the boss went on to the next agenda item, her face lost its glow. First, there was surprise. Why didn’t she acknowledge what was just said?

Then, there was a look of denial. I could almost see “she’ll go back to it later” in her eyes. There was a flash of anger.

To an observer, it was clear that it had happened before, and this act brought up other acts in her mind.

Then, depression set in. Will my boss and peers ever acknowledge me? What do I have to do around here to really get noticed?

Finally, acceptance seemed apparent as she began to look interested in the meeting again.

Grief cycle

In short, what I observed was the Kubler-Ross grief cycle that one experiences after a death or any major loss over the short space of a two-hour meeting. I don’t think anyone else even noticed this. I did see the co-worker give her arm a reassuring squeeze, but the rest of the group were so used to the boss, it passed by them.

The boss should have thanked the speaker for sharing her thoughts and then turned to the other employee and complimented her in front of the group for her actions.

With every slight from a co-worker or a manager, we die a little death. Part of our spirit is sucked out. Reading this, you may feel that I am being over-dramatic. But have any of the following ever happened to you?

You work hard on a project only to have your boss or a co-worker take credit.

You make a suggestion that results in sales, improvement or efficiency, only to have it ignored.

You give a speech or presentation that is well received by customers or the general public. Your boss ignores the event entirely.

You are very excited about closing a large sale, but your boss has only a ho-hum attitude.

You never receive acknowledgement or even a “thank you” for your hard work.

I don’t understand why certain managers can’t give credit, kudos or any kind of acknowledgement. I have observed it or had it happen to me too many times to believe that this kind of behavior is an anomaly.

Bad attitude

The bad attitude of not acknowledging people probably comes from one of two things. 1. A childhood of growing up in a family where compliments were rare. 2. Experience in business where that manager had to fight to the top without much encouragement.

A few times in my life I have timorously complained about not receiving acknowledgement. Here are three of the responses:

“That’s just something I’m not very good at.” (Translation: Take it or leave it.)

“I didn’t know you needed that many compliments.” (Translation: Boy are you weak.)

“Nobody else has said anything.” (Translation: You’re a troublemaker.)

In all cases, I wish I had kept my mouth shut, and I did immediately think of finding another job.

‘It’s just us’

When we are not acknowledged, we usually feel that “it’s just us” or that we are “too sensitive.”

I can’t really advise on how to handle the situation other than to quote “The Godfather”: “It’s not personal, it’s business.” If it happens over and over and there is no improvement, you might want to start polishing your résumé.

Right approach

As a manager or team member you can take steps to acknowledge others:

• Always thank team members for their contributions, preferably in public.

• Put kudos in writing in e-mails. Send a thank-you to one individual, copying the person’s boss.

• Mention contributions immediately if they come up in meetings as mentioned in the example above.

• Give smaller rewards more often. Make an occasion more festive by acknowledging others.

• Make a list of the unsung heroes in your office and think of ways to recognize them. Acknowledging another’s work does not have to be more than a remark but timing and audience are everything.

It is important to remember that complimenting or thanking others does nothing but enhance the working environment.

When I began working as an executive recruiter almost 20 years ago, I remember my boss saying, “People don’t change jobs just for money. Find out what else is going on and go for it.”

He was a tough guy, but he meant that I should listen for verbal cues about how happy a person was in his or her job. If I heard “My boss doesn’t recognize my work,” I knew that I had a potential candidate. Money is certainly a factor in any job situation, but people usually don’t start looking until they are unhappy.

If you want happy, productive, creative employees who are going to hang in with you for the long haul, throw out those kudos like confetti on New Year’s Eve!

Sinara Stull O’Donnell is a professional speaker and writer through Springfield-based SinaraSpeaks. She is the author of “Be The Star Of Your Life: Are You Ready For Your Close-Up?” She can be reached at sinaraspeaks@earthlink.com or www.sinaraspeaks.com.[[In-content Ad]]