Opinion: Full responsibility recognizes choices

“Sounds like you need to go try out to become a fireman,” I said.

“Well, now-a-days they expect you to at least have a two-year degree, and I can’t afford to go to college,” said the grocery boy.

My heart went out to the young man. He couldn’t have been more than 21 years old, and he already believes that it’s too late and that he doesn’t have enough money to do what is required to go after his dream career.

Our personal truths either empower us or take away our dreams. Our beliefs either move us toward our potential or keep us stuck settling for less than what we are capable of.

“You can still go to college. Attend one class at a time,” I urged him on, trying to open his mind to the other choices. “Call OTC and just see how they can help you with the two-year degree. I’ll bet you can get a loan or a grant. Don’t give up on your dream. I’m 48 years old, and I just completed my master’s degree. You can do it, too. You won’t regret it.”

The character word for this month is “responsibility,” and perhaps the highest responsibility is the responsibility we owe ourselves to reach our potential and to find purpose.

There is a difference between “I can’t get the job I want because I can’t afford to go to college” and “I am not willing to do what is required in order to get the job I really want.”

The first statement is a habit full of justification and absent of conscious choice.

Responsibility is the recognition of the many choices in our lives. Go to night school, one class at time. Get a loan. Work part time. Save some money for two years, then go. Get a roommate, or find a grant. Take the responsibility to find out what is possible before habitually saying what is not possible.

“I am not willing to go to college for two years” is a conscious choice suggesting that there are options and choices but simply a lack of drive. With the conscious choice comes freedom to accept the situation.

I hear it all the time, even from polished professionals making a great salary. My favorite is the victim statement: “I would, but I don’t have the time,” suggesting that you are controlled by time instead of having the option to choose how to effectively use time. Runner up is “My company won’t pay for it; therefore I can’t afford to go to the conference … buy the program … etc.”

Why let your company determine your personal growth? Is there any freedom in that? Most entrepreneurs I know would say “absolutely not.”

Another way to notice where responsibility is lacking is in the way people compare themselves to others. A favorite statement is “At least you have a spouse who brings in a second income,” which is only second to “At least you don’t have to worry about taking care of a spouse and kids.” The grass always looks greener when we fail to take responsibility for our own lives.

One time I was watching Dr. Phil McGraw talk about weight-management choices. Of course, the audience members were railing about how difficult it is when you are genetically predisposed to obesity. One woman in the audience said, “It’s not fair Dr. Phil, my neighbor eats ice cream, cookies, cake, pizza and stays thin as a rail, and I work out all the time and can’t keep my weight down.” I loved Dr. Phil’s response – “So, what do you want to do, bitch about her and go eat an ice cream?”

Only if you believe you have no other choices.

The difference in taking full responsibility for the outcomes of your life is the self-confidence in knowing that you have the freedom that only comes from choosing consciously, and if you listen closely you can use this information in your hiring, in your leadership training, and in reaching your highest potential.

Marlene Chism is a relationship development expert, who works with companies to increase productivity and teamwork. She can be contacted through www.stopyourdrama.com.