Opinion: Driver responsibility beats red-light cameras

Like the bird flu in China, there's no vaccine to prevent this fear, and nothing is known to medical science that will cure it once you have exposed yourself in a camera-infested intersection.

Yes friends, we've got trouble, trouble, trouble right here in the Queen City of the Ozarks. You see, as you drive around town burning up $2.25-a-gallon gas, you might be getting a special “value deal” consisting of a photo of your license plate on the back end of a vehicle (presumably driven by you), blasting through an alleged red - not green or yellow - traffic light. Along with your photo, suitable for framing, a ticket will soon follow through the U.S. mail.

The rationale behind this is clear. With the second Krispy Kreme in town, the beat cops don't have the time to write tickets and create Gross Domestic Product at the doughnut shops. Thus, an automated ticketing device (camera) will be set up, initially at four intersections.

My guess is they'll be at Fremont and Battlefield to tighten up the Heritage Cafeteria crowd; Cherokee and Campbell to penalize anyone for trying to figure out that intersection after filling up with Buckingham's barbecue; Bennett and Oak Grove, where the lights flash red in ALL directions after 10 p.m.; and Main and College where no traffic exists at all, which will create a “double blind study” just to prove there is truly NO reason for the red light cameras.

I also have the feeling that paparazzi will be lighting up “key” intersections with their 600 mm Nikons with flash attachments bright enough to be seen from space.

So then, what shall we do, we citizens of Springtown? Are we to be frozen at our respective steering wheels like “the Bostonians who tried to get poor Charlie off the MTA” back in the '60s - the 1960s that is?

Nay, say I, not when we have learned from the superheroes of our time like Austin Powers, etc. All we have to do is analyze the means to “exist and co-exist” with these Orwellian demons of “1984.” Here are some ideas that might work.

Premature Vehicular Retardation: In other words, if you even SEE the light go yellow, do two things: 1. Lock up your anti-lock braking system in mid-block or wherever you are, and 2. Support the back of your neck as you ready yourself for the impact of the 10 cars behind you that didn't see the light change and will be joining you in the space you currently occupy!

Automobile Speed Pacing: This is a technique in which YOU control the impact of red-light cameras on your life. Specifically, you will drive by a predetermined formula to control your speed. X = SL (-50%). Simply take it on yourself to reduce the speed of the traffic flow on South Glenstone to 15 mph at 4:50 p.m. Some would argue that could actually speed things up, but that's the meat for another fish fry.

The Green Machine: Got Game! This will fool everyone, except maybe the cameras. Our scheme here is to come to a full and complete stop at ALL green lights. Nobody can criticize you for such an act, which oozes with your good intentions for safety and courtesy, especially if you are stopping at South National and Primrose at 5:15 p.m. on any weekday. If not a candidate for sainthood, you surely would be a candidate for early entry to Heaven.

Circuitous Routing: This one will ensure that you'll never be the subject of an intersection red light camera! Here's how: You are going south on National in 5 o'clock traffic and approaching Sunset. To your surprise, the intersection ahead is chock-full of cars, so you quickly make your own exit west on Sunset, accelerating to 100 mph. Next you jerk your car south on Kimbrough past Cowden School, slowing to the appropriate speed to watch for school zone activity.

As you reach Battlefield, you turn west, then south on Jefferson and disappear among the apartments and Kickapoo High School, using the light at Primrose to go west to the light at South Campbell. That's all it takes to avoid the cameras hypothetically placed at National and Battlefield. Smile, you're NOT on “candid Springfield camera.”

While everybody wants to see the accident rate decline throughout the city, stopping the red light runners really comes down to not drinking, paying attention and reducing speed. No camera threat alone will accomplish this lofty goal - but each of us can exercise our own good judgment and do for ourselves what government acting upon us can't.

Remember, this article was written on a closed course by a professional driver, please do not try this on your own!

Michael R. Rankin is not now and has never been head of the communication department at Drury University, originally the home of the Rusty Saber - Joe McAdoo.[[In-content Ad]]