Opinion: Businesses speak loudly with signs, prohibitions

“No Left Turn” means you can’t turn left, but you can turn right. If some drivers insist on turning left, the ultra-negative prefix “Absolutely” will appear on the sign. In extreme cases of disobeying the order, “Positively” may further enhance the demand.

From the time of Moses on, a lot of folks have treated the Ten Commandments as though they were the 10 recommendations. A revised version today might have added “Or Else” to “Thou Shalt Not.”

I often wonder what leads to signs with strongly worded negative messages. Let’s say a building has double doors, one with a sign reading “Use Other Door.” If people continually ignore the sign and use the forbidden door, rest assured a new one will soon materialize proclaiming in bold type something like, “DO NOT USE THIS DOOR AT ANY TIME. USE OTHER DOOR.”

You don’t have to be a highly trained social scientist to understand that a big problem is being taken on by a sign on a parking lot on East Battlefield in Springfield, one that a simple “No Loitering” apparently couldn’t solve.

It certainly doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the problem was cruising and large numbers of people congregating in the parking lot. It’s all spelled out in the sign: “Cruising is Prohibited. No Congregation or Lingering Outside of Vehicles. No Unoccupied Vehicles May Be Left On Premises Without Permission of Owners of Business.”

The sign tells of the saga of the battle between business owners and cruisers.

As it was with the Ten Commandants, negative signs may be a sign of the times.

A sign I once saw posted in an apartment elevator raises all sorts of scrumptious conjecture about the cause: “Do Not Push Buttons Until Everyone is on the Elevator.” In my mind’s eye, I visualize someone half on and half off the elevator when someone else pushes a floor button, and the ruckus is under way. The elevator door bangs against an arm or leg. A lot of yelling follows. When it’s over, everyone speaks their minds, especially the person caught in the door. The new sign likely followed.

I once saw an entry ramp leading traffic onto a busy freeway. Apparently, a few drivers on the freeway had tried to use it as an exit ramp. This could lead to a meeting of cars with negative results. A simple “Do Not Enter” should have done the job; apparently it didn’t.

The sign read: “You Are Going the Wrong Way – Turn Around.” I suppose it takes bold words to protect people from themselves.

Another sign I read about was posted in a newly designated smoke-free cafe. A wild guess is that “No Smoking” signs had failed to do a proper job. Enter the Plan B sign: “You Don’t See Any Ashtrays, Do You.”

An ingenious manipulation of what appeared to be a negative sign dates back to my Navy days. Normally I had my hair cut by civilian barbers. Navy barbers didn’t enjoy a reputation for good haircuts. Their haircuts were free, and worth every penny of it. However, the aircraft carrier on which I served was at sea and a big personnel inspection was coming. Translation: Get a haircut.

Reluctantly, I visited the ship’s barbershop. A prominently displayed sign announced: “Absolutely No Tipping Allowed.” No problem; tipping was the last thing on my mind. When I sat down in the chair, the barber asked if I wanted a regulation haircut or a good one. That was a no-brainer; I opted for the good one. He added that if I wanted the good haircut I should ignore the no tipping sign. Well aware of the ambience encircling regulation haircuts, I slipped him $3 for what was supposed to be a free haircut. It was surprisingly good.

I guess the barber knew how to turn a negative sign into a financially positive one.

Joe McAdoo is former chairman of the communication department at Drury University.